Confessions
by samtana
Summary: A collection of unrelated short confessions. Some are romantic. Some are funny. Some are just weird. My favorites: 5: Aang 13: Ozai 14: Bumi 17: The Bullfrog 18: Long Feng 23: Jet 31: The Mechanist 38: Jun 40: Gen. Fong 53-55: On Ji/Foamy/Earth King
1. Longshot's Confession

I couldn't resist watching these two characters interact. I don't own Avatar.

**Longshot's Confession**

Longshot watched Smellerbee sharpen her knives. They sat next to each other on a log, the campfire spitting in front of them.

Combustion Man sat himself down on Longshot's other side. Longshot greeted his with a courteous nod.

Combustion Man breathed in deeply through his nose, then let the air out slowly. The flames of the campfire grew with his breath, then diminished again when he released it.

Longshot grinned and nodded.

Combustion Man looked away from him, diverting his eyes back to the fire. He breathed in deeply through his nose, then let the air out slowly.

Longshot cocked his head quizzically.

Combustion Man breathed in deeply.

Longshot looked away and blushed, his gaze falling on Smellerbee's knives again.

Combustion Man let the air out slowly.

Longshot smiled at him nervously. He nodded twice.

Combustion Man closed his eyes.

Longshot tipped his hat. He reached over and gave Smellerbee a hug, snuggling up close.

"Hey, what was that about?" shrieked Smellerbee in surprise.

Combustion Man breathed in deeply through his nose, then let the air out slowly.


	2. Toph's Confession

Didn't intend on making this a series. Had this idea. Continued the series.

I don't own Avatar. I'm still not over it.

**Toph's Confession**

"Guys," said Toph uneasily. "I have a confession to make."

"What is it?" asked Katara.

"I can't really tell if people are lying or not."

"What?" said Aang.

"I just thought I'd tell you now that the war's over and it doesn't really matter anymore."

"But I thought you could tell if someone was lying because of their heartbeat," said Sokka.

"It takes more than that to tell if someone's lying," said Toph. "A person's heart rate can change for more than one reason."

"But you were still able to tell that Jet wasn't lying when he was brainwashed," said Katara.

Toph spat on the ground and snorted nonchalantly. "I'm just good at guessing," she said. "But it's not like I've got a lie detector test built into me. It's all guesswork."

"Oh," said Katara.

"Thanks for telling us, Toph," said Aang.

"Yeah," she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry I'm not as supernatural as you all thought."

"I like it better when you don't try to be perfect all the time," said Sokka. He walked over and pulled the blushing girl into a long, passionate kiss.

"Oh, Sokka," she panted as he released her.

"Okay, that was weird," said Aang. Toph opened a hole in the ground to sink Sokka to her level as he straightened his three-piece suit.

"Come over here, handsome," said Katara, pulling on Aang's tie.

Aang said this as he crashed into her: "Aaaaaahhhh-uuumph!"

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Sorry about the strange ending. I just had to make fun of people who jump into romance too quickly in their stories. I couldn't resist.

I always thought the lie detector part of Toph was just too good to be true. Especially since lie detection science is always going through research, and one of the important lie detection qualities is the person's expression, which, of course, Toph can't see. I think she can make pretty good educated guesses, but she's not infallable (right, Azula already proved this...).

-samtana


	3. Earth Kingdom Baby's Confession

I don't own Avatar. I'll trade you three foil Zuko's for one, though.

**Confession of an Earth Kingdom Baby**

Hi. My name's Hope. Yeah, I know. You can stop laughing now.

My mom was full of adrenaline when I was born. Something about barely getting away from a sea monster. So she wasn't in the clearest state of mind when she named me. Otherwise she wouldn't have given me such a terrible name. Why she was so lazy as to put off naming me for the last possible moment is anybody's guess.

How did she think it would be like going to grow up? Of course all the other kids would tease me. My name is Hope, for goodness's sake! And I always get picked last, even though I love sports, because I'm a girl and my name is Hope.

It's not like I chose my name.

Mom and Dad say it's unique. That it's special for some reason. They say I should be proud of it. Then they dress me up like a little girl when I'd rather go to Earth Rumble XIII.

There. I said it, Mom and Dad. I don't want to be a pretty little girl. Your pretty little girl. I want to scream my lungs out as I watch overstuffed men beat the pulp out of each other. But no, that's not something a dignified young woman named Hope can do, now is it?

It's hopeless.

You could have named me something normal like Song or Jin. Then the other kids would have treated me just like any other girl. But instead they tease me like there's no tomorrow. And you know what? I don't blame them.

I thought people only name their babies Hope in parodies. But I guess not.

Well, it's time to go back to work on my E-Trade account. Hope everything's going well for all you kind folks with normal names while I'm not going to Earth Rumble XIII.

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Yeah, I had to make the E-Trade baby comercial joke. I suppose I should say I don't own that either, but if they sued me for all I was worth they wouldn't get anything, so I'm just going to let it go.

Sorry if Hope was a little out of charcter. But we'll never know, now, will we...?

Serpent's Pass: Wonderfully written episode except the naming of the baby, which made me want to turn off the TV. However, as someone with a terribly generic name, I can sympathize with her parents wanting to be original. But, come on. Hope? Come on...

-samtana


	4. Zhao's Confession

I don't own Avatar. Avatar owns me. Deep.

**Zhao's Confession**

"Welcome to the Library," Wan Shi Tong.

Zhao looked around, wondering where he could find information on the Fire Nation that he preferred didn't exist.

"Impressive, isn't it?" said the giant owl through his mystical beak.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," said Zhao. "Where can I find the information on the Fire Nation?"

Wan Shi Tong pointed with a wing. "Over there by the listing of all the spirits who left the spirit realm."

"Humph," said Zhao, turning to walk in that direction. "Sounds interesting."

Wan Shi Tong blocked his way.

"Any human wishing to enter the library must donate a tomb to the collection," he said.

"Do I have to?"

"I must insist."

"Okay, then," said Zhao, digging through his sack and handing the giant owl a thin book. "You can have this if you must."

"What is this?" asked the perplexed owl, looking through the book. "These are all pictures of young women who aren't wearing any – "

"Yeah, I know," said Zhao. "I admit it. I'm a sucker for the Ba Sing Se calendar girls."

"This is disgraceful!" exclaimed Wan Shi Tong, flipping through the pages repeatedly. "This isn't knowledge! Get out!"

"Come on!" roared Zhao. "I must be allowed into the Library!"

"No! Get out of here right now!" boomed the owl, turning to go.

"Fine," growled Zhao. "Wait, can I have my book back?"

"No, no," stammered the owl. "I need it for – look, just get out of here." With that the owl disappeared.

Zhao smirked and headed toward the information on the Fire Nation, twirling a small fireball in his hand.

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I think I have to rate this collection T because of this story.

Yeah, and how is the all-knowing owl not able to tell that Zhao shouldn't be allowed into the library? Because he was distracted. Probably. Maybe not in this way, but you know.

-samtana


	5. Aang's Confession

I don't own Avatar. So sue me.

**Aang's Confession**

"Katara, I've wanted to tell you this for a long time now, but I've never been able to work up the courage. You see, I've been trying to save the world because I want to save everyone I love, everyone who means something to me. But I've been realizing lately that I've been doing it more for one person than anyone else, more than everyone else. There's been one person who I would gladly risk my life to protect, someone I'd make any sacrifices for. I've been doing it for you. I'll come right out and say it: Katara, I love you."

The bullfrog croaked.

Aang sighed. He turned to Zuko and said, "Is this really the best way to practice this kind of thing?"

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I've been trying to steer away from main characters and common pairings with this series, but this had to be written. In fact, I had a whole other plan for Aang's confession, but something possessed me when I sat down at my keyboard, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop my fingers from typing this up. Then I read it and thought, "This actually isn't too bad." So I posted it. Ta Da.

-samtana


	6. Yue's Confession

I don't own Avatar, but I'm in the midst of talks to acquire the moon.

**Yue's Confession**

Aang sat in front of the koi fishpond, his tattoos glowing brightly. Katara had assured Yue that this was just a part of his entrance to the spirit world, but it was still hard for her to get used to the image.

Nothing happened for the longest time. Katara and Yue watched the young playful monk in uncharacteristic stillness, and they remained ready to protect him if need arose. Yue sat down on the grass. The spirit oasis always had a way of getting her to think deeply, and now she harbored a thought she couldn't keep from Katara any longer.

"Katara?" she asked. Katara sat down beside her. "I want to tell you something."

Katara put her hand on Yue's shoulder. "Sure, Yue. What's on your mind?"

"You have to promise not to tell Sokka, okay?" she said softly.

Katara was looking at her with concern, but Yue couldn't see it. Her eyes were focused on the pond.

"Okay," said Katara uneasily. "I won't tell Sokka."

Yue smiled sweetly. "I feel terribly for how I've treated him recently," she started. "He really likes me, doesn't he?"

Katara blushed a little. "Yes, he does," she said. "You're all he talks about these days."

Yue looked at the ground sadly, her smile gone. "I can tell. And I like him, too. A lot. He's funny and cute and smart. But I don't like him, you know, romantically."

Silence met this comment. Katara stared at the back of Aang's glowing head, the spiritual energy of the oasis probing herself to focus inward on her own feelings.

"I know what you mean," said Katara. "But then why did you kiss him?"

Yue blushed, wildly unbefitting for a princess. "He told you about that? I should have guessed he would." She took a deep breath. "I'm very confused right now. I'm betrothed to Han, but I can't stand him. I want nothing to do with him."

"Are you flirting with Sokka just to spite him?" asked Katara.

"It started off that way," said Yue. "But then when I kissed Sokka on the bridge I took it too far. I think…" she sighed. "I think I'm just trying to escape from the situation I've been forced into. I'm trying to feel like I can have a normal love life, even if for a brief moment."

"But you're forcing it," said Katara.

Yue nodded and breathed deeply. "I feel terrible, playing with Sokka's heart like that."

Katara gave Yue a hug. "I'm sorry you have to feel that way," said Katara. "I can understand that you aren't in love with Sokka after the short while you've known him. But, If it makes any difference, you've made my brother very happy."

Yue sniffed and rubbed her eye, pulling out of the hug to look at Katara.

"Thank you," she said softly, smiling at her friend. "Just make sure…"

"… I won't tell him about this," smiled Katara.

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Sorry, Yue/Sokka fans. You can tell I'm not a patron of love at first sight by now, right? I think Yue/Sokka could work if written correctly, which I've seen done a few times. But I have a bone to pick with the way it happens in the show. The pacing for the North Pole episodes is attrocious, and Yue never really develops as a character, and when she does it's at the most inoprotune times, like the middle of a battle. It could work, and Sokka's feelings for her are important throughout the show. But the writers didn't give us much to work with, and I'm trying to point that out.

I'm pretty happy with this one, even if it's a little long. Not to be self-promoting or anything. I also added a little explanation for Katara's "confusion" that stumps so many people in the Ember Island Players episode. I really like parallel plots like that. So, yeah.

-samtana


	7. Suki's Confession

These are getting longer, for some reason. And Sokka-centric. But no matter what changes I make to the series, I will never own Avatar.

**Suki's Confession**

Appa yawned happily, relieved to be in the presence of someone familiar again, as the Kioshi Warriors threw water on him and drew brushes across his tangled fur.

"Well, Suki," teased one of the warriors, "it looks like you have another excuse to see that Water Tribe warrior you like so much."

The familiar-smelling Kioshi Warrior laughed and blushed. "We do need to return Appa to the Avatar," she said, scratching the beast behind his ears. Appa sighed with momentary pleasure.

"And when you do," said another Kioshi Warrior Appa didn't recognize, "you'll be able to share another romantic kiss with the man of your dreams!"

"Smooch, smooch!" said another. All the Kioshi Warriors except Suki laughed. The mood was so contagious that Appa felt like laughing a little bit himself, but then he remembered he was still far apart from Aang, and now nothing seemed funny anymore.

"Just picture it!" said a Kioshi Warrior, her arm around Suki, gesturing off into the distance somewhere. "You, the Water Tribe warrior, a romantic sunset, the sweet taste of his lips…"

Suki laughed nervously, forcing the vibrations out of her mouth. One of her friends caught the disturbance in her voice.

"What's wrong, Suki?" she teased. "Afraid he's run off with someone else?"

"No," said Suki, blushing. "Everyone, I have a confession to make."

One of the girls gasped.

"You didn't kiss him?" cried one. "You just made it up just to impress us?"

"No!" shouted Suki. "It's just that the kiss we did have… it wasn't very romantic. That's all."

"What do you mean?" asked one of the painted warriors. Appa wished they would go back to scrubbing his back. Without the attention he was just feeling lonely for Aang again.

"Didn't you kiss him passionately under the full moon as he promised to protect you with his life?"

"No, not exactly," confessed Suki. "He kissed me right as I said goodbye. It caught me by surprise. I was just… saying goodbye when he walked up and kissed me. And then he said I talk too much and kissed me again."

One of the girls sighed.

"That sounds very romantic," said another.

"I know," said Suki softly. "But it wasn't a very good kiss. His mouth tasted terrible."

A girl gave Suki a look of disgust. "Why?" she asked.

"Well," said Suki, "He couldn't take watching the woman give birth earlier, so he sort of threw up."

"Ew!" groaned the girls excitedly.

"You kissed a throw up mouth!"

"Didn't he wash out his mouth afterwards?"

"I think so," said Suki, her red blush showing through her white makeup. "But I'm not sure."

"Ew!"

"I wonder what he had eaten!"

"What did you do? Just try to avoid his tongue or something?"

Suki returned to scrubbing Appa down. "You know, girls," she said hurriedly, "we really need to get back to scrubbing Appa. Look how dirty he is!"

Appa thought it was a fine idea.

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I couldn't resist writing this. I tried. It was a short-lived resistance. I don't like to make the Kioshi Warriors so gossipy. Even if they did gossip, I think it wouldn't be in this way. But, here you go.

I had to tell it from Appa's perspective. I probably did a bad job with it, but there was simply no other way.

By the way, Suki knows she has to worry about someone taking Sokka away from her, given Toph's accidental confession to her when she savesm her from drowning. But that's not what Appa would be thinking and Suki wouldn't say such a thing to the other warriors. So I left it out until now.

-samtana

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	8. Ty Lee's Confession

The only thing better than the circus or the Kioshi Warriors…

I don't own Avatar. Is this a disclaimer or is it just me complaining?

**Ty Lee's Confession**

"A Miss Ty Lee here to see you, Your Highness," said a servant as the former circus woman cart wheeled into the room with gleeful exuberance.

"Ah, yes," said the Earth King, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "She helped take control of Ba Sing Se with the Fire Nation Princess.

"But I'm not like that anymore!" insisted Ty Lee.

"It's true," vouched the servant. "She had been imprisoned after disobeying the Fire Princess."

"Disobeying!" scoffed Ty Lee. "I had a fight with her! I took her down! That's more than just disobeying," she said, flipping over to stand on her hands.

Bosco walked over to join her on his front paws, licking the teen in the face. Ty Lee giggled girlishly.

"All right," said the Earth King decisively. "Since Bosco seems to like you so much, I'll forgive you."

The servant rolled his eyes.

"Thank you," smiled Ty Lee, returning to her feet so she could give a proper bow.

"So what brings you to my palace?"

"Actually, I want to ask a favor from you," Ty Lee said in her singsong voice. "I would like to be a Ju Dee, please."

"A Ju Dee?" asked the Earth King. "Oh, we ended the brainwashing treatment and released them all when we recaptured Ba Sing Se."

"That means that no one else will want the job, right?" said Ty Lee cheerily.

"Um, no," said the Earth King. He was confused. "There is no more brainwashing here in the city. You can't be a Ju Dee."

"But you don't have to brainwash me," insisted Ty Lee. "I just want to go around telling everyone how the walls keep our precious city safe, and then I can smile nice and wide. Like this!"

Ty Lee smiled nice and wide. It was truly worthy of a Ju Dee.

"My name even rhymes with Ju Dee," chirped Ty Lee. "It was simply meant to be. It's my new calling!"

"I'm sorry," said the Earth King, shaking his head. "You'd be great for the job, I admit, but we're entering a new era, and I don't want any reminders of the old days of oppression. I'm sorry."

Ty Lee's smile faded. "Fine!" she snapped. "I guess I'll just join those Kioshi girls I met in prison instead."

With that Ty Lee cart wheeled out the door and left the Earth King rubbing his aching head.

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I know she gave up her second calling pretty quickly, but I wanted to get these shorts under 500 words again. Besides, I'm only pointing out that Ty Lee smiles wide like a Ju Dee, so the rest isn't really important. Come to think of it, Aang has a sort of Ju Dee smile himself...

Okay, that's just weird to think about.

-samtana


	9. Zuko's Confession

For some reason I can't put this down. I believe this is what's called a "crack pairing."

I don't own Avatar. So I cry myself to sleep instead.

**Zuko's Confession**

"Mai, I have to tell you something," said Zuko softly.

Mai finished helping Zuko with his robe, gingerly covering up his extensive bandages. She kissed his cheek. "What is it?"

"Well," began Zuko, eyes on the floor, "when I was traveling with the Avatar and his friends, I… well, I met someone else."

Mai let go of Zuko and took a step back, horrified. "You met someone else?" she repeated, knives in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Mai," said Zuko, his voice pleading for forgiveness. "When I was having a crisis, talking to her really helped me in a way that even Iroh couldn't. I think I'm in love."

An angry tear dripped down Mai's cheek. "Is it that Water Tribe girl?" she spat. "Or the blind earth bender? Who is it, Zuko?"

Zuko looked disgusted. "Katara? Toph? Don't be gross, Mai! Katara's a filthy peasant and Toph's only twelve years old!"

"Then who?" screamed Mai.

There was a croak from down the hall.

"There you are, darling!" smiled Zuko.

"A… a bullfrog?" stammered Mai, gaping.

Zuko picked up the bullfrog, rubbing his nose against it. "Isn't she cute?" said Zuko.

Mai stared for a few moments, then turned to go. "You know, I'm not so upset that you dumped me anymore," she said, slamming the door behind her.

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I'm not sure why I seem to be so obsessed with the bullfrog. It's not exactly my favorite part of the show. And I don't normally like to "crack pair." So this short is totally out of my element. But maybe it made someone laugh. Maybe? Even a little chuckle? No? Darn it...

Don't worry. More serious things to come. I am currently editing. Yes, I do that. Call me old-fashioned.

-samtana


	10. Combustion Man's Confession

More Combustion Man? Sure, why not?

I don't own Avatar.

**Combustion Man's Confession**

The first thing he noticed when he awoke was an intense feeling in his ribs. He couldn't tell exactly what it was. Or he didn't want to admit it to himself. It wasn't the bland irritation that he was used to feeling, like when he was smacked in the head by a pebble or thrown into a wall or something of that nature.

He rubbed the tattoo on his forehead and the same sensation returned. It was uncomfortable, but more than that. His forehead throbbed.

He stared up the canyon, seeing two sets of earthy walls. He was just dizzy from the altitude, he decided, even though he was now at sea level.

His metal arm lay on the ground to his right.

He was invincible. He had always been invincible. What he was feeling now… it couldn't be…

His ribs groaned at him, more than simple discomfort. It was more like a stinging sensation, a feeling that shot through him every time he tried to take a deep breath.

He wasn't allowed to do this, he knew. He wasn't allowed to feel this way. But he had to admit to himself what he was feeling, feeling for the first time in his life.

"Ow," he said aloud. "That hurt."

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Nice and short.

Combustion Man, Zhao, and Jet are all probably hanging out together, playing cards with everyone we never actually see die in the show.

-samtana


	11. Sokka's Confession

And more Wan Shi Tong, too?

Oh, and I'm pretending that Toph went into the library with the others. It makes this story run.

"Yeah, I own Avatar."

"I can tell you're lying."

"Shut up, Toph."

(I know no one's done that disclaimer before…)

**Sokka's Confession**

"So, Mr. Owl, you know everything in the world?" asked Sokka.

"I know everything I've read from these books," replied Wan Shi Tong, gesturing grandly towards the collection. "Treatises on war, science, human relations, romance…"

Sokka guffawed. "Romance? What can a couple of books teach you about romance?"

"For instance," posited Wan Shi Tong, "I can see that you harbor deep feelings for the blind earth bender, but think yourself too manly to admit them. Typical human."

Sokka laughed nervously, glancing quickly at Toph. Those creepy, vacant eyes seemed to stare right through him! "You know that's not true," he said.

"And the earth bender has similar feelings," continued Wan Shi Tong, causing Toph to blush wildly. "But she is too stubborn to confront them."

"I think we should go explore the library now," said Toph loudly. "I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense."

She made her way towards the large collection of books. Sokka ran after her.

"Um, Toph?" he asked. "Can we, um, talk for a moment?" He blushed, but no one saw it.

Toph blew at her bangs discontentedly, turning away from the Water Tribe warrior. "Yeah, sure, if we have to," she grumbled. If Sokka could have felt the vibrations in the earth like she could, he would have felt her heart rate rise.

"No making out in the library," warned Wan Shi Tong, turning to go.

"Wait!" called Aang. The owl stopped and turned back around. "What about me? What can you tell about my inner emotions?" His eyes snapped to the left for an instant to capture the image of Katara.

"Your feelings are painfully obvious," said Wan Shi Tong. "If she doesn't realize how you feel by now then she's the most oblivious human I've ever heard of."

The owl slid into the back of the library. All this talk of romance had him wondering where he had put the Ba Sing Se calendar girls book Zhao had given him.

"Wow," said Katara, watching the ancient spirit disappear. "I wonder what he meant by that."

Aang slapped his forehead with his palm.

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Aang: You know, I think I liked Aunt Wu's advice better.

Katara: Why? What was her advice?

Aang: Oh, just to follow my heart. Then I will be with the one I love.

Katara: Sounds like good advice. I hope it works for you.

Aang: Oh, come on! How can you possibly not realize by now?

Katara: Realize what?

Aang: [Sighs, plants romantic kiss on Katara's lips.]

Katara: What was that for?

Aang: Agh!

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This is the first one where the confession doesn't happen on-screen, but we can assume Sokka admits his feelings. I honestly didn't know I was such a big Tokka fan, but I guess I am. I write Tokka a lot for humor or from Toph's perspective and Sukka when I'm trying to stay true to the story, generally. And yes, as said before, I know Toph wasn't in the library with them, but I simply needed her there. For posterity.

Pacing is a little too fast, but what the hey. It's not meant to be taken seriously.

-samtana


	12. Katara's Confession

Enter the extra-long disclaimer to make up for the extra-short fiction:

"No, Samtana doesn't own my Avatar! No one puts a hand on Aang and gets away with it! Not Zuko and not Samtana! Do I make myself clear?"

"Wow, Katara, I've never seen you so protective of me like that before…"

"Don't put your arm around me like that, Aang. I'm not ready for a relationship yet."

"But… just a moment ago… and at the Serpent's Pass… and at the dance party… and all those kisses on my cheek… Doesn't that mean…?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Wow. Now I'm the one who's confused..."

**Katara's Confession**

"Listen, Katara, I have a confession to make."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Remember that time you told me you had never been away from home before?"

"Of course."

"And I said it's customary for an Air Nomad boy to greet a girl with a kiss on the lips?"

"Yes, I remember that."

"Well, um, that's not true."

"What?"

"I was just saying that because I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you. I made that little story up so I could kiss you. Sorry."

"Well, Aang, I have a confession for you."

"What's that?"

She leaned in close.

"I don't mind."

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If Aang were someone else, like Jet, he may have taken advantage of Katara like this. Not that she minds… This story assumes the existence of love at first sight. Which is my biggest regret in writing it. But I'm in a good mood. I'm going home in a few days for the holidays. I live about 3,000 miles from my home and it saddens me. But happy feelings about going home make me want to write... fluff... which I rarely do. Enjoy it while I've got it in me!

Sorry about it being short. I'm a busy person.

-samtana


	13. Ozai's Confession

I don't own Avatar. Lost it in a game of poker.

**Ozai's Confession**

I glared at my son, struggling to break free from the wall against my back, longing to sink my fingers into the bones in his neck, to see that jeering expression turn to panic, to pain, and then to expressionless, lifeless death. I wanted to spear him with a lance of fire through the eye, the good eye, and watch his body crumble to earth.

"And here's one when you were three years old with your favorite stuffed dragon."

I longed to breathe a torrent of fire upon him, to watch him wither and scream in agony as his skin blackened against the heat. My jaw fought to open, but it only grew sore. The breath through my nose heated my enraged body.

"And here's one when you were two. Doesn't this look cute?"

One of my airships, a specimen that cost a fortune to research, build, and operate, crashed to the ground, exploding and sending flaming pieces careening into the sky. Nothing seemed cute at the moment.

"I don't think this is working," whispered the avatar loudly into my dim-witted son's ear.

"We have to keep trying," whispered my idiot son just as loud. The avatar handed him another scroll.

This was humiliating. I squirmed in my sticky prison. Trapped against a wall, held indefinitely by super glue. Of course that was the avatar's plan. It was so obvious now.

"Um, Aang?" said one of the girls, a filthy Water Tribe peasant. There. I said it. My son, the next in my line, was traveling with a Water Tribe peasant. One who didn't even have the decency to cover up her belly button while she was ruining my plans to take over the world.

That was also humiliating.

"I just wanted you to know I'm not confused anymore," said the filthy peasant.

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not. In fact, I love you."

I threw up, but my lips were stuck together and I couldn't open my mouth. Talk about awkward. I started squirming with all my might as the avatar and the filthy peasant smiled childishly at each other.

"And here's my personal favorite," said my stupid son, unrolling a scroll in front of my face, ignoring his mushy allies. "This is when you were learning to walk."

There I was in front of me, a plump mass of life exploring the laws of physics. That expression, so unsure of itself, watching the ground with its eyes, but a neck that didn't have the strength yet to support its head. A small tuft of hair atop an underdeveloped head. Rounded arms protruding to either side like penguin wings, trying whatever they could to maintain balance.

I had to admit, it was pretty cute.

The short, blind earth bender smirked and punched my son, my only son, in the shoulder. He grinned and turned to the others. "Hey, guys, I think it worked!" he said to the avatar, his anticipatory lover, and their friends. "He thinks this one is cute!"

"Great!" the avatar exclaimed joyously. "That means it's finally over!" He turned to the Water Tribe peasant, a look of longing in his eyes that I had nearly forgotten from the days before my children were born. The peasant returned his gaze with her captivating blue eyes, and they leaned into each other.

And that was pretty cute, too.

-------------------------------------------

So I tell one story from first person and it's in Ozai's perspective. Now, what does this say about me?

This was fun to write. I hope it was fun to read.

-samtana


	14. Bumi's Confession

This is not sudden fiction like the others; it's much longer. But I'm very proud of it and the idea centers around a confession, so I decided to make it a chapter in the series.

I also wanted to post something serious again before I got to the outrageous Mai's Confession. You'll see what I mean soon enough.

I had a dream where I owned Avatar. And my brother was getting married to the voice actress who plays Ju Dee. It was only a dream.

**Bumi's Confession**

There was a house in Ba Sing Se, where a couple lived with their young daughter named Hope. They worked hard and miserably apart for the sake of their daughter, to provide her with the best education possible, to afford for her the proper attire of a dignified young Earth Kingdom lady for her to wear, to feed her three meals each day, and to bestow a meager allowance upon her. The former refugees spent eighteen hours each day wearing sweat as perfume and tears as eyeliner, only to be thanked by a welcome hour of weary smiles and easy breathing with the family. But they never despaired as they toiled. The avatar had returned, and their work was slowly crawling to a manageable amount. Hope's future was living up to her namesake.

This story is not about that family, but instead about another that was remarkably similar. The man and the woman, also foreigners to Ba Sing Se, were struggling to raise their infant daughter amidst each of their endless worldly duties. They were apart so often that they routinely felt like machines as they fulfilled their necessary roles, going through the motions only for the sake of the motions themselves. Their fuel was the prospect of seeing their daughter grow for a day or two before again waking up in a new city with a new set of tasks to last a new week. But their work was undoubtedly rewarding them, and either Katara or Aang were always able to remain home to look after her as their obligations finally began to slow slightly. They had just enough time to no longer be required to leave their daughter in the indefinite care of the wise old man who owned the teashop.

Today was one of the rare days Katara and Aang could spend together. Katara had been enjoying an unusual extended vacation by changing diapers, having pureed mush splattered on her clothes, writing in a baby book with by candle light, and sighing. She was supposed to be cleaning, too, but she still tripped over old scrolls, toys, and laundry. She still told herself she would clean it all before Aang returned, even though she knew perfectly well she never would.

Katara was cooking dinner, bouncing the crying infant on her shoulder as she stirred the pot with a long, wooden spoon. This was the atmosphere when Appa roared and six feet supporting ten tons fell magnificently to earth.

"Listen, darling!" Katara sang over the crying. "Daddy's home!" She put her lips to the wooden spoon and frowned. It wasn't time to set it aside yet, but she did anyway to meet Aang at the doorway. His half-open eyelids pulled his sleepy head towards the earth, but he had enough energy left to smile widely and greet Katara with a brief kiss.

Katara passed him the baby. "I have to keep stirring the pot," she explained, striding efficiently back to the kitchen.

Aang lifted his daughter high over his head and wearily smiled up at her. "Don't cry, honey!" he said, lowering her down to his shoulder. "Daddy's here, now! Let me see your happy face! I want to see that happy baby face!"

Aang tried to rub her nose against hers, but when her plump fingers pushed his face away he was forced to settle for a light kiss on the hand instead. He bounced her up and down on the way to the kitchen, humming a song Iroh said always worked to calm her down. It didn't work this time. Aang had little time to practice his singing while he was abroad.

"So how was Omashu?" asked Katara over the crying baby, her back to Aang.

"It was nice," said Aang, his voice bouncing with his body and the baby. "The new public transportation is going well."

"Good," said Katara. "Have they been able to integrate it more?"

Aang shushed his daughter: "There, there, darling. No, nothing's changed since last time I was there. Still, it's still a lot better than Ba Sing Se." Aang sighed. "I wish people didn't wall poor people off like that."

"People aren't as virtuous as the monks were."

"I know," said Aang sleepily. "I miss Gyatso. He would know what to do about all this poverty."

Katara lifted the wooden spoon to Aang's lips. "Here," she offered. "Tell me if it needs more salt."

Aang's tongue flicked out. He nodded. "I think it does," he said. He drew his daughter closer to the spoon. "What do you think, sweetie?"

The baby stopped crying long enough to wrap two pudgy fingers around the spoon and force it into her mouth. She started crying again and Aang laughed.

"Alright, I get it," grumbled Katara, turning back to the pot and dropping in a pinch of salt. "More salt it is."

Aang didn't stop smiling. "You're beautiful," he said.

Katara turned her head to glance back at him, her face garnished by a girlish blush. "I'm so happy you're back," she said.

"It's been too long," he said. "It always is." He leaned in for another short kiss. It was too short. It always was these days.

"So how's Bumi?" asked Katara, turning her attention back to the pot.

"He's okay," said Aang. "He's been better."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"He's getting old," said Aang.

"Oh. Is his back acting up again?"

"Yes," said Aang. "And also he's lost most of the hearing in his left ear."

"Oh," said Katara, turning to Aang to prove her sympathy with a facial expression.

"He's pretending to be the strong, invincible king he's always been, but really he's turning into a frail, old man faster than anyone knows."

"He told this to you?"

"He wouldn't tell anyone else," said Aang. "He wants to bring stability to Omashu during the Reconstruction, and remaining king would be the easiest way to do it. But in secret he's looking for an heir to the throne once times slow down a bit."

"Really?" said Katara, tasting the spoon. "Do you think Toph would be good for that? Here, taste it now."

Aang tasted, and offered a taste for his daughter, who pulled the spoon into her mouth a second time. She stopped crying and fell into a contented, limp mass of sleeping life on his shoulder.

Aang smiled. "I think that's the one." The pair sat down at the kitchen table, Aang lowering himself as gingerly as he could to keep his daughter in her quiet slumber.

"I think Toph would be a good ruler of Omashu," said Katara.

"Well, that's what Bumi wanted to talk to me about in the first place," said Aang. "He said Mai's already declined."

Katara shook her head, spacing out on a pattern on the tablecloth. "Bumi's always seemed so… eternal. I've never really imagined him being touched by age like that."

"I know," said Aang.

"It's like Gran-Gran," Katara continued. "She always seemed to ageless, but her sight's almost gone now and she needs help getting out of bed each day."

"Do you think I could see her one more time?" asked Aang. "Before something happens?"

"I'm sure," said Katara. Her eyes were glazed over, but it was more from fatigue than sadness, even though the presence of sadness was undeniable. "Everyone your age is getting older," she said finally.

Aang gave a short chuckle. "Except me," he said with an irresistible grin.

"No. You're getting older, too," said Katara. "No one lives forever."

Aang nodded. "Soon it will be time for the next generation."

"And then," said Katara, her voice wafting up lazily into the air, "the generation after that…"

They both looked at their sleeping daughter, drooling over her thumb and onto Aang's shoulder. And they were reminded once again of why they needed to endure the cold nights and empty weeks.

----------------------------------------------------

I really wanted to open my mind to the possibilities for this confession. I try to do that as routine anyway, but while writing this one I had the chance to try something different and challenging for me. Every time I felt myself slipping into a comfort zone I made a different decision than I usually do. I hope it paid off. Bumi deserves it. His wisdom is right on the money for writers. The best writers are mad geniuses.

As I'm editing this, I realize it could easily be the prologue to a long multi-chaptered epic, watching the daughter grow up. I like the idea, but it requires time and effort and pushes in a direction I usually don't like to read in fan fiction. Besides, I'd have to name the daughter, and I'm terrible with names. But if I get enough encouragement I might give it a shot.

Thanks for the continuing support!

-samtana


	15. Mai's Confession

Um, a word of advice for the folks back home. This story is a bit dirty. Innuendo, anyone?

You have been warned.

I don't own Avatar. You can relax now.

**Mai's Confession**

Mai paused and stared at the ceiling, mulling over the question as if it were posted on a piece of paper above her.

"I love Zuko because…" she began. "The biggest reason I love Zuko is his huge, giant…"

Zuko leapt in front of her, both sides of his face the same red. "Now, now, Mai," he stammered. "Let's not talk about, you know, _that_, right now."

"Why not?"

"You know," he explained urgently. "That. I know it's impressive, but you don't have to talk about it in front of everyone like that."

"What are you talking about?" asked Mai, perplexed. "I was talking about your heart. Your huge, giant heart. Why? What did you think I said?"

Zuko scratched the back of his head, sweating and grinning embarrassingly. "Oh, nothing," he said, inching away.

"Oh, you mean _that_ tiny thing?" exclaimed Mai with disbelief, her eyes lighting up with realization. "Impressive? It's impressively small, I'd say!"

Zuko glanced about his laughing friends and tugged on his collar. The embarrassment was causing his skin to tingle.

"My brother has a bigger one, and he's only two years old!"

Zuko felt like sending a fire blast straight into his huge, giant heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suki: I know Sokka has a huge, giant one of each!

Sokka: You better believe it, baby!

Toph [softly]: Can I have just one of them?

Sokka: What now?

Toph: I didn't say anything!

Suki: I can tell you're lying…

Toph [under her breath]: You should have let me drown at the Serpent's Pass!

-samtana


	16. Azula's Confessions

I figured I'd give Azula two confessions since I have the ideas and I haven't updated this collection in a while.

If we were in a socialist society we'd all own a small part of Avatar. But we're not, so instead I write long disclaimers. But if we were living in a socialist society I'd have other complaints.

**Azula's Confessions**

_1: That Weird Kid In Class Makes Me Want To Shoot Lightning_

The music room is just how I left it when I was twelve. The only things that seem to change were the faces of the students. I smile warmly without showing my teeth as I walk into the room, my tsungi horn secure around my hips, my tongue wetting my lips. The students stare in hushed admiration. The instructor had pre-introduced me well.

I bow to the teacher. "I hear your tsungi hornist is having problems."

"That one over there." He points. "He's new, from the colonies."

My eyes drift along the instructor's outstretched finger over to the gaping young man. He wears a headband and has oddly familiar stormy gray eyes. I cock my head.

"Goes by the name of Kuzon," says the instructor.

"Hello, Kuzon," I say to him kindly, dismissing the burden of déjà vu. "I am here to help you learn the tsungi horn. You know, I'm the best tsungi hronist in the Fire Nation, besides my uncle."

Without warning the young man blurts out, "You're Azula!" His hands shoot to his mouth and I stare at him in horror.

The rest of the class starts murmuring to each other. "Princess Azula?" one says with a whisper. "That can't really be her, can it?"

I force a laugh, which sounds more like an evil cackle than a friendly giggle. "Oh, I get that a lot," I stammer. But it's no use. They're all gaping at me and pointing. So is the instructor. I glare at Kuzon, my fingertips beginning to spark. The young boy is already in his fighting stance, his eyes feigning preparation for an imminent lightning strike.

"I admit it," I hiss. "I am Princess Azula."

I go into the motions to make lightning, but I quickly discover that it's much more difficult to do with a tsungi horn around the waist.

_Fine_

------------------------------

_2: Aangzula Dies_

With nothing to do but watch the mail cart fly down the chute, Azula developed a quick and efficient hatred for Omashu.

"Baby," consoled her boyfriend when she got back to the tank. He was tall, muscular, bald, and tattooed to look like a snake charmer. He knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Can it," she spat. "I'm not in the mood to talk to you."

Her boyfriend put his hand on her shoulder, but she slapped it off.

"Azula, Baby," he cooed, "you know you can talk to me."

"You know what, Stan, I can't take this anymore," she snapped at him, her mouth spouting flames. "We're through, you and I. Do you understand?"

He looked at her, confused. "What did I do wrong?" he asked.

"I can't have a relationship with a bald, tattooed man while I'm tracking the avatar, Stan. I was going to wait until this was all over and see if I could tough it out, but I just can't."

He approached her with open arms. "But Azula…"

"That's it," she said firmly. "I'm throwing you off at the next town. Lo!" she shouted to the front. "Where's the next town?"

"It's that crazy place that adores Chin the Conqueror," Lo called back.

"That'll do," shrugged Azula.

"But they'll throw me in prison there," protested Stan.

"That's the point."

_Fine_

------------------------------

My novel progresses slowly, sacrificed to these shorts. Let me know if it's worth the time (either the novel or the shorts).

-samtana


	17. The Bullfrog's Confessions

I don't own Avatar, Azula, Appa, or Aang. Do I own anything that starts with "a?"

Once again, you get two confessions for the price of one as an apology for the long wait for Azula's Confessions. And more bullfrog happiness. Yippee.

Oh! I know! I own an apple! That starts with "a!"

**The Bullfrog's Confessions**

_1. You Need Professional Help_

Zuko groaned, holding his bruised side with his right arm, the rest of his body sprawled across the ground. "Why am I so bad at being good?" he yelled out, his tormented voice piercing through the leaves in the trees.

The bullfrog cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "Well, my young misguided exile," he began professorially, "in my estimation, your first course of action should be to defeat your rogue assassin in mortal combat, and be sure to vanquish him within plain view of the avatar and his motley companions. A second option, a 'plan B,' is you will, would be to seduce the gullible young waterbender and take full advantage of her powers of persuasion to convince the others. However I would recommend seeing a specialist first. I must confess that I am no expert in repairing former malicious relations. You should see my good friend from Harvard, Dr. Duck, who lives with a fortuneteller in a hamlet near a volcano. You can't miss it."

Zuko sat up straight and stared at the creature perched on the log. The bullfrog extended his front leg, a small slip of paper wedged between the toes.

"Take my card," he said. "Be sure to refer your friends to me if the advice works out favorably."

"Talking frog!" Zuko screamed at the top of his lungs, a finger jutted accusingly at the distinguished doctor of psychology, one who just so happened to be a bullfrog. Zuko jumped away from the clearing, abandoning all his things in favor of flailing his arms and shrieking through the forest. His voice dissolved like salt in water, and soon all that remained was the curious amphibian. A pleasant breeze rustled the fall leaves in the empty clearing, and the bullfrog surveyed his surroundings, stunned by his sudden solitude.

"Ribbit," he said.

_Fine._

--------------------------------------------------

_2. Come Up With The Shipping Name For This One. I Dare You_

"And then I said, 'it reminded me of how I feel about Appa, and how I feel about you.'"

The bullfrog adjusted his glasses. "That is certainly an unequivocal statement."

"I know! But after I kissed her she told me she was confused." Aang shook his head. "Now I feel like I'm the one who's confused. Do you know what I mean, Dr. Frog?"

"I think I do," said the bullfrog, staring off into the distance. "There was once a beautiful woman in my life. I followed her through the forest with no other care in the world. I thought it would last forever, but I was naïve."

Aang gulped. "Are you saying you don't think Katara's the one for me?"

The bullfrog shrugged. "Who knows? That's the confusing part, I suppose. I thought the goddess in the forest was the woman of my future, also. It's the only time I've ever been wrong."

"What happened?" asked Aang.

The bullfrog sighed. "Some scar-faced Neanderthal burned my beloved's feet and sent her fleeing the scene."

"Ribbit," said Aang.

"You said it."

_Fine._

------------------------------------------------------

-samtana


	18. Long Feng's Confession

Warning: This story is considerably longer than the others, except Bumi's Confession. Just to let you know.

Bonus: Review replies for reviewers who were unable to log on who I can't send PM's to are at the bottom of this story.

I don't own Avatar. Don't ever use that as a pick-up line. Not very attractive.

**Long Feng's Confession**

"It is a pleasure to serve the Earth Kingdom," smiled Ju Dee, her hand crawling mechanically up Long Feng's Leg. The Cultural Minister of the world's greatest city sighed sadly to himself.

"Not today, Ju Dee," he said in a monotone, pushing the hand away. "I'd rather just talk, if you don't mind."

Ju Dee smiled. "It would be a pleasure to serve the Earth Kingdom," she repeated cheerfully.

The green light from the luminescent crystals shone across the bed at an angle, dividing it visually into unequal, jagged parts. If Long Feng didn't already know the size of the room he would have thought it to extend forever into the darkness in front of him, while anchored firmly in reality at his back by the light of methodically pulsing crystals. Long Feng took a deep breath, as if he were about to dive into water.

"There's just a lot on my mind," he began. "There always is. I can't keep it to myself anymore, it's weighing down on me so much." He kept his eyes away from Ju Dee, unfocused on his intertwined fingers instead. "I had a rough life growing up. My father was a terribly cruel man, though now when I look back on it I realize he made me the man who I am today. I'll never be able to spit in his face for everything he put my younger sister and me through.

"Ever since Mom died he had no qualms about beating us, his fists and breath stinking of liquor as he did it. I still have scars to prove it, and sometimes they still sting as if they had reopened and were doused in cheap alcohol. He would laugh as he beat us, wailing on me as my sister fled, or visa versa. He would take particular pains to avoid hitting our faces in order to keep the neighbors from knowing, favoring the abdomen and limbs.

"I hated it so much I wished to be an orphan, but it made me tough. I wore sleeveless shirts so my hardships would be on display, removing my dress shirt once my father was out of sight. The other kids feared me with their eyes, my scars telling of battles I'd never fought. I grew up friendless and namelessly infamous, left to brood over goals for our lives with my sister.

"We would talk about ruling Ba Sing Se together someday, a far off dream only one of us would achieve. We had plans to outlaw violence, to protect children of the other refugees, to keep the city safe inside and out. She wanted to make sure old people never suffered and to make sure poor mothers never died. Most of all, though, she wanted to give medicine to each poor family, going door to door herself if she had to. I remember exactly how she said it, just like that. Going door to door if she had to. You would never have thought she was such a young child if it weren't for her small stature and insistent clinging to a stuffed sky bison doll. She said it reminded her of the avatar, and it gave her hope that our dreams would come true. Neither of us did more than dream and talk, at least not for the moment.

"My sister, unlike myself, covered up her scars brilliantly. It doesn't bode well for a young woman to appear tough, even in the Lower Ring. And, as long as she kept away from me in public, she was always able to attract young men like flies to a light. And when she was twelve years old and I was thirteen, I remember distinctly, she came to me elated, exclaiming about how a boy asked her to go to the flaming fountain with her. At the time I didn't think much about it, left only with the feeling that we would lose our unified dreaming, leaving me alone with my sleeveless shirt.

"My father, on the other hand, thought more about it than I did. Or perhaps less, depending on how you look at it. When he learned of the date he went ballistic. He despised the thought of his daughter wasting time with a man at such a young age. He wouldn't have allowed it either way, even if she were sixteen, but that was the excuse he came up with in his drunken rage. I did what I always did whenever Dad got like that: I fled. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I made a vow to the spirits that I would never flee again, to defend the ones I love rather than cave to cowardice.

"I never saw my sister again. When I came back to the house, late at night, she was gone. So was my father. Furniture was strewn about the house, windows were broken, chairs were collapsed on the floor. My sister's stuffed sky bison was on the floor, two legs torn off, stuffing spotting the floor like confused clouds looking for the sky.

"I left before my father had the chance to return for me. I left my childhood home for good, taking refuge with an old lady I had helped with groceries a few times when the tough kids harassed her. She coughed up blood a lot. She said she cared for me like the son she never had, and it was her dying wish for my greatest dream to come true. My sister's greatest dream never came true. No one delivered medicine to the old woman's door.

"Later, once I had become an official to the king, I came back to my old home to confront my father, to make amends with myself for what I should have done years before and to finally speak with him on equal terms. Instead, a young couple had moved in, struggling to raise two infants together, twins, if I recall. They hadn't even bought the house from my father; it came to them as inheritance from the woman's grandfather. I asked around the neighborhood, and an elderly man told me that my father had passed out one night at the bar and never woke up. Such is life, I suppose.

"This burden has been weighing on me for decades now, and despite all I've done for the great city of Ba Sing Se, it never feels like enough. It's not yet perfect enough. It's not yet safe enough. It's not the city I always wished it to be, and it's not the city my sister was waiting to create. I cannot rest until our dreams are realized, and even then I know I won't rest. I will forever be haunted by the memory of how, all those years ago, I slunk off into the dark while my sister met her unjust, premature fate. So no matter what I do, I can never be forgiven, not by anyone who knows, and not by myself."

There was silence in the room. Normally silence is just the absence of sound, but this silence had a living palpability to it. Long Feng's chest rose and fell soundlessly, the silence boring into his ears. Tears hovered on the brink of the accomplished man's eyes, waiting for the right moment to drop. He had ended his era of bottling himself up, and yet nothing had changed. Nothing moved. Everything was still.

"Can you keep this a secret?" he asked Ju Dee. The meek words were unable to break the silence.

Ju Dee, still smiling widely, nodded her head. "Of course, Mr. Long Feng, sir." She put her hand back on his leg. "You seem tense. It would be an honor to serve the Earth Kingdom."

Long Feng sighed. Even though there was sound now the room still felt silent. "Alright," he mumbled, unbuttoning his suit.

_Fine_

------------------------------------------

This wasn't supposed to be so long or so depressing. It started as me wanting to add something serious to the "Confessions" series and it spiraled out of control, a lot like Bumi's. Azula says Long Feng came from nothing, so I started wondering what his life had been like. Five pages later, we have this.

On a side note, a bunch of people are calling the frog from last chapter a badgerfrog, not a bullfrog. I don't really know how they know, but I haven't listened to season 3 commentary yet, so maybe that's it. Thought I'd clear that up.

**Review Replies**

JESUSFREAK: I can't say much but thanks, and I can't do much but smile. Sorry this story couldn't be as funny as the others, but I have to keep things interesting. I had no idea the bedgerfrog would be such a hit. I only thought I was insane. Thanks again.

peyaluna: Froph doesn't actually sound too bad. Sounds like Froth, though.

Allicat: Ty Lee's confession was fun to write. And she could easily be a Ju Dee.

Whatever17: Glad it was enjoyable.

Aliute: I put a lot of effort into those disclaimers, so I'm glad it paid off. And Tootsie Roll Pops? Even Wan Shi Tong wouldn't know what those are!

me: Zuko/Bullfrog and Iroh/Tea would make an interesting double date.

Michelle: Sorry it took so long for me to think of a way to write you a reply, first reviewer of the series. It makes perfect sense to me that Combustion Man and Longshot would get along well. Communication is key.

-samtana


	19. Aunt Wu's Confession

Hm. I'm running out of characters. I guess that makes now a good time to start accepting suggestions. It would be pretty depressing if I had to go into Outside Characters' confessions.

Samtana: I plead the Fifth.

Toph: Come on, Spam Banana. Don't be so stubborn!

Katara: See that? Even Toph is calling you stubborn.

Samtana: I don't care. I'm still not saying it.

Toph: Then I'll say it for you: while it's true Samtana does own a DVD box set of Barney, about 10,000 Magic: The Gathering playing cards, five posters of Angelina Jo…

Samtana: Okay! Okay! Shut up! I'll say it! I don't own Avatar, all right? Geeze…

Katara: I thought your five posters were of me.

Samtana: I said shut up!

**Aunt Wu's Confession**

"Not bad, not bad!" exclaimed Sokka through a full mouth, stuffing his face with tofu puffs. Noticing Aang's eyes, he pushed the bowl towards the apprehensive airbender.

Aang waved a hand at the food. "No thanks. I'm good on puffs."

Sokka shrugged and dove his hand back into the bowl.

"Wait," said Aang, his eyes lighting up like miniature crystals. "You just offered me food!"

Sokka stopped in mid-chew. "So?" he managed, small chunks of tofu flying onto the carpet from his mouth.

"You never offer anyone food. Not unless you caught it yourself." Aang laughed gleefully. "You must be finally accepting me into your family!"

"Aang, all I did was…"

Katara barged into the reception room, followed by an exasperated Aunt Wu. The befuddled fortuneteller was calling after Katara, "Wait! I need to tell you something important about your future husband!"

Katara waved her off. "Yeah, yeah. "Sokka? _You _offered to share food with someone? Food you didn't catch yourself?"

"I'm so happy!" squealed Aang, leaping up to pull Katara into an elated bear hug. Meng tried to jump between them and seize the opportunity for some Aang snuggle time of her own, but a ball of air flung her into the wall. Clumps of plaster fell onto her head from the ceiling.

"You can stop making fun of me now," mumbled Sokka, popping tofu puffs into his mouth.

"Wait," said Katara to Aang. "Why didn't you take any?"

"I wasn't hungry," shrugged Aang. "I was distracted by…other things."

"What could possibly distract you from Sokka sharing food?"

"Okay, okay!" groaned Sokka. "We get it! Sokka doesn't like to share food!"

"I'm impressed," said Aunt Wu, her mystical fortuneteller voice drawing everyone's attention. "Young man, earlier I would have said your future would be filled with struggle and anguish, most of it self-inflicted. But your willingness to share your food with this boy shows inner strength, strength I hadn't recognized before. I must admit, I was too hasty in my first judgment of your future."

Meng stood up and dusted herself off. "Wait," she said. "Aunt Wu was wrong?"

The building shook, announcing the violent spewing of nearby lava deposits. Silence reigned for a few seconds.

"Man," said Sokka, thrusting his hand into the bowl of tofu puffs. "I've got to finish these, quick!"

-----------------------------------------

Samtana: Great. Now I'm hungry. Volcanoes always do that for me.

Sokka: Well, I'm not giving you any of my tofu puffs.

Samtana: What? Did Momo eat them all already?

Sokka: Snarzle Flobber Pilber Poo Frogger!

Samtana: Don't talk about my mother that way.

-samtana

P.S. I don't really own all those things I listed at the top…though I wouldn't mind the Katara posters…I'll trade you about 10,000 Magic: The Gathering cards for them.

P.P.S. I'm at 50 reviews! I'm gonna go have a party...


	20. Meng's Confession

Okay: Thanks for all the suggestions, but this is not an idea from one of you. I'll explain why at the end. Less distractions.

I was reminded of this character's existence when I wrote Aunt Wu's Confession.

I don't own Avatar. Like a cloud in the sky, Avatar is something I will never have to myself.

**Meng's Confession**

"What's wrong, Meng?" asked Win. He held her hand and gaze tightly, taken aback by the forlorn look in her eyes. Ever since they met she had never shown her dejected side. Win was seeing it now, and it troubled him. They stood outside his parents' house, an engagement banquet awaiting them inside, and Meng should have been happy.

She looked back at him, her eyes scared. "I don't know, Win," she said. "I'm just worried about hurting you."

"Hurting me?" chuckled Win, kissing her on the forehead in the shadow of one of her protruding braids. "Meng, I love you."

"I know, and I love you, too. But I'm worried." She sighed anxiously and squeezed his hand. "Back in my village, I had my palms read and I was told I would marry a man with big ears. And, well, your ears are just normal sized."

"Meng," said Win.

"I mean, what if Aunt Wu was right? What if you're not the man of my destiny? Then I'm making a big mistake. We both are."

Win smiled widely, as if trying to hide his laughter at an unheard joke. "I think you should come inside," he said, pulling her forward. "There's something about my family that might interest you."

Before Meng had time to react the pair were in the house, greeted by a barrage of gleeful shouts from men with beer mugs standing on tables and women in army garb arm wrestling each other. Meng stood, shocked, as Win's nearly barbarically happy family rushed to greet him and his fiancé. All were muscular, well built, and breathtakingly handsome.

And they all had tiny ears.

"How's it going, Big-Eared Win?" exclaimed a brother or cousin, pulling him into a rough hug.

"You don't need to shout, you know," said a woman with ears the size of peas. "He can hear you no matter what, his ears are so big."

One of the men turned to Meng, an attractive fellow with a square chin, friendly brown eyes, and an undistinguished hole on each side of his head. "You must be the girl, Meng," he said, shaking her hand so hard it nearly made her bounce up and down. "Whatever brought a lovely girl like you to a man with such giant knops I'll never know, but welcome to the family!" He downed the rest of his beer mug.

"Knops?" said Meng.

"Enough talking!" bellowed a bearded man in the middle of the room. "More celebrating! Drinks are on me!"

"Of course they are, you dumb monkey," shouted a woman. "You _are_ Big-Eared Win's father, aren't you?"

Win leaned in close to the stunned Meng, whispering in her ear, "So? How are you feeling now?"

Meng looked up at him and smiled at his big ears. Contentedly, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close, snuggling against his shoulder. "I think I see your point," she said.

_Fine_

-------------------------------------

Samtana: Knop – A knob, especially an ornamental one, for example the stem in a wine glass.

Meng: Thanks, I guess.

Samtana: I also don't own the dictionary.

-------------------------------------

Thanks for all your suggestions, again. I write these about a week before I post them, so I can edit them. When I wrote "Aunt Wu's Confession," I thought I was out of ideas, but now I've got this one as well as a "Cabbage Man's Confession" for sometime in the future. So I didn't need ideas as much as I thought. Heh.

Also, I do in fact have a confession for Suki already, though it's not very good. I've thought about doing a second confession for some of the characters. Perhaps Suki could be one. Tell me what you think, everyone. What do you think, Suki?

Suki: I would really appreciate that, Samtana.

Samtana: Great. Here's some money. Go buy yourself an ice cream.

Suki: Um, I don't like ice cream.

Samtana: Then just get it in a cup.

Suki: How does that make a difference?

Samtana: You want your confession, don't you? Then go buy the ice cream, gosh dammit!

Suki: Yes, sir.

I'll try to get to everyone's suggestions as soon as possible, I promise! But I can't promise how soon "soon" is, so please be patient.

Thanks again for all the support and reading through these long author's notes.

-samtana


	21. The Cabbage Man's Confession

**The Cabbage Man's Confession**

One hand on his cart, the other against his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun, the Cabbage Man triumphantly looked out over Kioshi Island. It looked like another escape to him. Kioshi Island had stayed out of the war so far, so there would probably be no distractions or vegetable-hating, bending, juvenile kids. But he wasn't just escaping from the avatar and his cabbage-destruction fetish. Kioshi Island was one of only a few places left on the globe where he could avoid his family.

Ridiculous, he thought to himself as he pushed his cabbages down a dirt road. His parents had probably passed away by now, tired and wrinkled, and his retarded brother was most likely locked up somewhere far, far away. Unless he had siblings he didn't know about, he'd be safe here. Yes, he'd be safe here, safe from his own guilty shortcomings.

The cabbage man tried his best to forget the past, concentrating his lovely vegetables instead. He chose a cabbage from his collection and breathed in its scent, closing his eyes for the full experience. Still fresh. If he hurried he could make it to the town square and sell a few before dinner. Excitedly he pushed his cart forward.

Sure enough, a crowd of Kioshi Islanders had gathered eagerly around him. Apparently their choice to stay neutral in the war had deprived them of authentic Earth Kingdom cabbages, and they were ravenous. The cabbage man rubbed his hands together gleefully. So many people who shared his passion for the underrated vegetable!

Of course things went downhill from there. And it started with him, the cabbage man's retarded brother, who turned out not to be on Whale Tail Island anymore. He was unmistakable, the drool dripping from his mouth and onto his clothes, a uniform that was now Kioshi Island blue. How he had managed to come to this place didn't matter. All that was important was that he was next in line, slobbery coins in an extended hand.

He said, "Farbur grobba, pea!"

They were face to face. The cabbage man couldn't move.

"Farbur grobba, pea," repeated his brother.

All the cabbage man could do was mumble the only word he could think of: "Charles?"

"Uh?" said his brother. Suddenly recognition shown in his eyes, drool dripped faster down his face, and he angrily turned his back on the cabbage stand. The cabbage man's heart fell.

"Charles, wait," he said. "Look, I know I was a terrible brother to you, making fun of your condition, yelling at you whenever you drooled on something. But I've changed. I've never felt more sorry in my life."

"Hmph," said his brother, pointing his nose at the sky.

"You have to believe me, Charles," he pleaded. "I made a horrible mistake when we were kids. I'd do anything to make it up to you. Really."

"Grubble marfur foo tilly?" asked his brother coldly, not turning his head.

"I know, I know!" cried the cabbage man. "I was the worst brother ever. I should never have stolen your silly putty, I admit it! What can I do about that now? I'll do anything, Charles. Anything!"

His brother considered the proposal for a moment. "Hanna metur cooboo tilly?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yes, I'll buy you some new silly putty!" exclaimed the cabbage man, exasperated. "As long as you believe me when I say I'm sorry."

His brother turned around, smiling wide and frothing at the mouth, and pulled the cabbage man into a warm hug.

"Brommer cobber ootoh," he whispered. A tear fell down the cabbage man's cheek.

"Thank you, Charles," he said. "Oh, thank you so much!"

That's when he realized that his brother's drool was dripping onto his clothes, flowing down the Earth Kingdom green cloth, and falling squarely onto his perfect, perfect cabbages.

And things went downhill from there.

---------------------------------------------

Charles: Mannama onet dowe Hamacker.

Samtana: Maybe I should do the disclaimer, Charles.

Charles: Aw…

I don't own Avatar.

-samtana


	22. Pakku's Confession

Samtana: Everyone, say "thank you" to randomlvr1 for helping me with this idea.

Everyone: …

Samtana: Do it or I won't write a disclaimer!

Everyone: Fine. Thank you for helping Samtana with this idea, randomlvr1.

Samtana: I don't own Avatar. Own Avatar, don't I? Avatar, I don't own. Don't, I own Avatar. Avatar, don't! I own.

Everyone: Stop!

**Pakku's Confession**

Something tinkled at Pakku's feet. He didn't expect to encounter something in the snow in the aftermath of a petty squabble with an overactive fourteen-year-old feminist. He almost didn't even hear the tinkling over her barbaric yelling and war calling. "Get back here!" she shouted. "I'm not finished yet!"

"Yes, you are," said Pakku. He pushed his foot forward through the snow, hearing the strange tinkle again. He bent down to pick it up, and suddenly his heart began to throb in his chest, his eyes urged to leap out of their sockets.

"This is my necklace," he said breathlessly.

"No, it's mine!" yelled the amazonish voice behind him. "Give it back!"

"I carved this necklace sixty years ago," said Pakku. "For the love of my life."

Yugoda stepped forward from the crowd gathered in hushed anxiety on the steps. She smiled grandly at the master water bender. "Can't you tell?" she said excitedly. "It's Kana's granddaughter!"

Pakku turned to look at Katara again, squinting at the ragged figure across from him, standing in a puddle where her icicle prison had been. He clutched the necklace in one hand, allowing the other to hang limply at his side. "Um, I can't tell," he fumbled.

"Can't you see she's the spitting image of Kana?" insisted Ugoda.

Pakku squinted harder. He could tell that the young woman was slouched over and panting, a wild mop of hair on her head. She had brown skin, but he couldn't see much else. He stammered, "Um, can I come closer, child? My eyes aren't so good anymore."

Yugoda let out a small gasp. "Pakku! I didn't know your eyes were failing. I could have healed them!"

Pakku couldn't shake his gaze from the girl. He responded, "Ever since Kana left I've tried to be as strong as possible so I would never be hurt again. So when my eyes started to go, I kept it a secret. I was trying to be strong."

"Pakku," said Yugoda.

The master water bender slowly stepped towards Katara, who stood there and caught her breath, watching the once senile old man slowly grow to recognize her. His jaw dropped and his widened eyes started to water. Not knowing what else to do, Katara gave a weak smile, and Pakku collapsed into a hug, whispering, "I can't believe it," and Katara tried her best not to squirm uncomfortably in the strange man's embrace. He handed Katara her necklace. "Here," he said. "I need to make a new one. I've been putting it off for too long."

--------------------------------------------

Sokka: All this emotional stuff is boring. Wanna go make out at the bridge?

Yue: Don't you know it!

Aang: How is this fair at all? Sokka gets all the girls within seconds of meeting them, and he's not even the avatar!

Pakku: It's Kana's genes. They're irresistible, aren't they? I'll bet they've both been getting plenty of attention on your travels so far, am I right?

Aang: [sullenly] Yeah. And even though I'm the avatar, the only girl who ever liked me was this creepy stalker.

Pakku: You know, you really should claim Katara before someone else does.

Katara: I can hear everything you're saying, guys.

Pakku: Shush, shush, man talk going on over here.

Katara: So that's where Sokka gets it from.

Aang: Did you have a stalker girl, too, Master Pakku?

Pakku: Yep. Yugoda.

Aang: Ew.

Pakku: I know. That's why I did everything I could to get Kana. And it almost worked.

Sokka: You know what, why should we wait till we get to the bridge?

Yue: You're right! Come here!

Iroh: I approve, I approve.

Katara: How'd you get here?

Samtana: This is seriously getting out of hand. Thanks for the idea, randomlvr1. Don't worry; Jet's Confession is next! And did you notice I changed the dialogue paragraphs the way you've always been asking me? Happy? HAPPY?! And I know that "amazonish" isn't a real word, but I figured-

Katara: There he goes again. Does he ever shut up?

Aang: Pakku, hit him in the mouth with a snowball, would you?

Pakku: Certainly.

Samtana: Glomph!

Iroh: I approve, I approve.

-samtana


	23. Jet's Confession

This is for Nikkel and whoever else said they wanted a Jet confession.

I don't own Avatar. I used to flip a coin each day at sunrise. If I got tails, I promised myself I'd own Avatar by sundown. After a year I realized the coin only had one side.

**Jet's Confession**

Less than half a year after Jet died, Aang defeated Fire Lord Ozai and restored balance to the world.

3 years later, peace was finally a uniform policy among all the rogue states. There was a grand celebration where Aang reminded Katara that he had turned sixteen and Katara began to sweat profusely.

75 years later, Toph was the only living person who could speak truthfully about who the Avatar was, as a person rather than as an icon. She preferred not to, though.

400 years later, only a few people knew what bending was. Its rare guardians knew its time was coming and braced themselves for an age without bending.

1,500 years later, the pyramids at Giza were built. The huge unidentified contraption in the center of the Great Pyramid was rumored to have been a sacred water pump, used by the last of the waterbenders.

3,000 years later the Roman Empire reached its peak. A grand Coliseum was built in Rome, the epitome of human cultural achievement that would not have impressed Toph at all.

2,000 years later, an elderly woman was trying to stop her husband from embarrassing her in the grocery store, again. He was a devilishly irresistible womanizer, a fact she knew even when they married. At this age he still vainly assumed that his wrinkled skin and thinning hair was irresistible for women three times younger than he. He winked at an attractive young woman in line, a tanned, blue-eyed thing emitting an awful sneer.

"Come on, Jonathan," groaned the old woman, dragging her husband out of the store, two bags of groceries hooked in her free arm. He put his small finger to his mouth and his thumb to his ear, mouthing, "call me," as the pair exited the store. That was the man she married. She loved him for it, though she didn't know why. She was lucky to have him. He distracted her from the distinct emptiness that lurked within her, an emptiness she had never managed to understand.

She tripped on the small step at the entrance and nearly fell to the ground. Her husband employed impressive dexterity, and he caught her before her knee shattered on the sidewalk. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Despite the fear and threat to her health, she almost enjoyed the falls. She never felt her husband loved her more than when she was falling.

"Are you alright?" he asked, dragging her to her feet. She kept herself close to him. What was she living for these days? Why did something still feel so empty?

"Yes, I'm fine, I think," she panted.

"I think it's time we get you a cane," her husband said. "You've been falling too much these days."

"I'd rather not," she said. He arched his eyebrows high on his forehead so they looked like upside-down V's above his eyes. It made him so devilishly irresistible, just like when they had first met.

"It would stop things like this from happening," he said.

"I'd still rather not," she said. But he was too devilishly irresistible, so she let him lead her to a convenience shop and over to three buckets in the corner filled with wooden canes. She felt so empty she couldn't stand it. She was getting old and older, but she was no closer to filling this cavern in her soul.

Her husband busied himself with lifting some of the canes. "This one feels good," he said. He offered it to her. "Here, what do you think?"

"Oh, no," she shook her head. "I'd rather you just pick one out for me."

"Come on," he said, smiling warmly, seductively. "Do it for me."

She thought to protest, but he was too devilishly irresistible, and she lifted the cane in her hand. She fell into a deep trance, hypnotized by the shape of the instrument, its straightness pleasantly marred by an audacious curve at the end.

"This does feel good," she admitted, grinning deviously and running her hands across the polished wood. Her husband was saying something but she was too absorbed to hear it. She felt like she was being filled to the brim with pure spring water, a glowing, supernatural liquid that reached every dark corner inside her, even the empty space she knew nothing about. She absently reached back into the bucket.

"Um, I don't think you need two of them," said her husband, his voice starting to come back into focus. "And you're supposed to hold them from the other end."

In an instant she leapt at him, wrapping the hooks around the old man's neck and pulling his nose against hers. He gasped at the violence, but she didn't hear it. "Maybe you're dead wrong!" she shouted angrily into his face, her voice rumbling through her throat. "Does the Fire Nation hold them from the other end? Does the Fire Nation have mercy?"

"What? Mercy? Fire Nation?" gasped her husband. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Slowly, she felt the ecstasy flow out of her body, out of her corners and out of the emptiness she knew nothing about. The sparkle in her eye faded, her inexplicable rage receding. She released her husband from the canes and sighed to herself as he rubbed his neck.

"I'm sorry, darling," she said. "I truly don't know what came over me."

He responded, "That really hurt, Jetta."

----------------------------------------------

Haha, Jet's reincarnation fell in love with a man just like Jet! Narcissist. Yup, I'm insane. I should have a business card that says so. It would say, "Samtana: Insane" on it. Or it could say "Samtana: Insanity specialist," or "Samtana: Local Loony Head." Hm. Obviously this idea could use a little work.

Jet: But I didn't confess anything!

Samtana: Yes, you did. You confessed that you liked holding the cane.

Jet: That doesn't count! And it wasn't even really me!

Samtana: I can have you confess your undying love for Katara and have her slap your face a few hundred times. That's what I originally had planned.

Jet: [_mumbling_] … grr… stupid Samtana … grr … confession … canes are stupid … grr … Katara wouldn't slap me … grr … I'm too awesome to be treated like this …

One final side note. That thing about the Great Pyramid being a water pump; some people actually believe that. Not about the waterbenders, but about the pump. In fact, there's a guy who'll give you a scholarship for college if you write an essay supporting the theory. No joke. I learned about it in Egypt class.

-samtana


	24. Lu Ten's Confession

A salute for Moon-san, who dropped the suggestion for this confession.

I'm trying to learn the art of hypnosis, plus the addresses of Mike and Bryan. But until then, I don't own Avatar.

Quick note: This is not meant to be funny. Sorry, guys. I thought about making it funny, but I will not stoop to that level. You'll see what I mean.

**Lu Ten's Confession**

Lu Ten stood outside his father's tent, the monolithic Fire Nation insignia fluttering on the flap. For the first time in his life, Lu Ten felt the symbol was a dangerous, malicious thing, piercing into his soul and shaking its head in disappointment. But there was something he had no choice but to tell his father, so he stood up straight and proud and pushed the flap away.

General Iroh's face, when Lu Ten entered the tent, was scrunched together in concentration. Since the endless siege on Ba Sing Se had begun, Lu Ten had noticed wrinkles start to form on his father's forehead, his hair starting to thin and turn gray, and his skin lose more of its color every day. But the struggling war general's expression immediately turned to happiness the moment Lu Ten entered the tent.

"Ah, Lu Ten," he cooed, standing to bow to his son, who returned the gesture. "It's good to see you."

"There's something I need to tell you, father," said Lu Ten, the nervousness in his voice impossible to miss. But this was the best way, Lu Ten was sure. Get it over with quickly.

General Iroh gestured to a chair. "Come, sit." The two took their seats. "Now, son, tell me, what's on your mind?"

With all the courage he could muster, Lu Ten looked his father in the eye, the gold, glinting eye. "I'm gay," he said finally.

There was a moment when nothing happened in the room. The wind, so strong a moment ago outside the tent, halted. Neither of the men in the tent ventured to breathe. Hearts stopped beating. There was complete and total silence for a moment that felt much longer than the microsecond it really was.

Feeling the need for words to fill the void, Lu Ten spoke up, throwing out the scrip he had prepared in his mind and mashing a jumble of words together. "I know, I'm sorry that this is disappointing you, father, but this is who I am and I can't keep it to myself anymore, I'm sorry I couldn't be the son you wanted, but I've been thinking, and…"

Lu Ten was cut short as Genral Iroh reached out and pulled him into a tender hug. Lu Ten gasped.

"Nothing you could ever do would disappoint me or make me stop loving you," his father said. "I'm just glad you were able to realize something so important within yourself, and that you were brave enough not to change who you are just for my sake."

And Lu Ten surged with a new bold confidence, the feeling that if he were to die in this war, he would have no regrets, that he had been honest with himself and with the world, and what more could one ask of a life?

----------------------------------------------

The wonderful thing about Lu Ten is that he suggests thousands of different confessions since we don't know anything about him. When Moon-san suggested his name, I was overwhelmed with ideas. For a character I normally don't give any thought, he's very fun to write for. But I took the opportunity to tackle a dangerous topic and show one of my favorite sides of Iroh. Let me know how it worked.

-samtana


	25. Teo's Confession

I'm a horrible person.

After calling for suggestions, and receiving such a generous outpour, I went ahead and started having ideas again. How uncivilized of me.

But hopefully this idea can make up for it. If anyone's read "Echo," this is the confession I was talking about at the end.

I can imagine that Verizon Wireless guy saying, "Do you own it now?" And I say, "No, you idiot! I still don't own Avatar!" And he says, "Good!"

**Teo's Confession**

Aang didn't even have a shirt to protect him when he left, just the thin robe draped lazily across his shoulder, barely covering anything at all. If he were to be attacked by firebenders, like the one he was currently traveling with, he wouldn't even have as much as a flimsy shield of cloth to block the flames. And yet Katara did nothing but watch the sky bison carry two solitary companions away from the canyon. It would be the perfect time for the banished Fire Prince to capture his prize and return triumphantly to the Fire Nation, and Katara wouldn't be able to end his destiny like she had promised.

Teo watched Katara with a cocked head, wondering why she hadn't insisted on going with them. He and Haru exchanged confused glances glances. Something else was obviously churning in the waterbender's mind, like a soup missing half its ingredients. Teo wheeled his chair forward, pulling up next to her.

"Oh, hey, Teo," said Katara absently, seemingly bent on avoiding conversational engagement. She smiled weakly and stood up. "I guess I should go practice a little."

"How safe is Aang out there with him?" asked Teo.

Katara didn't even answer the question. "Uh, yeah," she mumbled half-heartedly, her gaze back on the edge of the canyon.

"Katara," said Teo sternly. "Why didn't you go with them? Someone needs to protect the avatar from Zuko, just in case. And besides, you promised Zuko you would."

Katara sighed. "Yeah, I know I did." She kicked a pebble off the edge and listened to it tumble down the cliff side. Then, suddenly, she snapped her head back at Teo, intense focus reforming in her eyes. "Wait, how did you know that?" she said.

Teo scooted back a little. Oops. "Know what?" He stammered.

"How did you know what I said to Zuko?" she demanded, advancing on the boy.

Without warning, Haru blurted out, "Whatever you may be thinking, we were not eavesdropping on you!"

Teo turned for a moment to glare at his companion, then faced an even further enraged Katara. He couldn't help but notice that the others were starting to gather around the scene.

"You what?" shrieked Katara.

Teo fumbled for something to say. "Well, fine. It's true, we were eavesdropping on you," he admitted. He whirled around to throw a finger in Haru's direction. "But he was the one who wanted to spy on you until you took your shirt off!"

Katara gasped and blushed with embarrassment and rage, turning her attention on Haru. Haru raised his hands in front of his face, slinking back slowly.

"Is this true, Haru?" Katara growled, uncorking her canteen.

"Now, Katara, please, what Teo meant to say was…"

A loud splash announced that the chase was on. Sloshing footsteps echoed throughout the temple and Katara's less-than-charming voice bounced curses through the hallways as Haru meekly pleaded for mercy.

Toph laughed. "Nice one, Teo, you liar, you," she said with a knowing smirk.

"Yeah, I lied," he admitted, safe now that imminent danger was out of earshot. "We both wanted to see her take her shirt off."

_Fine_

---------------------------------------------------------

So this is out of character for Teo, but it was too much fun to not write. I'll get to your suggestions as soon as I can. Really. I mean it. Seriously.

Toph: I can tell you're…

Samtana: No I'm not! Shut up, Toph! I'm trying as hard as I can!

Toph: Why don't you just write one each day, lazypants?

Samtana: …did you just call me "lazypants?"

-samtana


	26. Jin's Confession

This was a suggestion by daydreamer11691. I tried something different for this one: I improvised the storytelling, save for the first line. I had some ideas for Jin that stunk, so I decided to take an opening line and free write. And I kind of like the result. Let me know what you all think.

I feel like Prince Zuko. I want to own Avatar so bad, but it just isn't happening.

**Jin's Confession**

"You have to watch out for her," said the guard before opening the door. "She doesn't even know what she's saying anymore. Sometimes she wakes up at strange times in the night shouting at the thin air."

Katara nodded. "I've dealt with my fair share of crazies," she said, fondly remembering what had transpired between her and the former Princess Azula. She patted her canteen. "I can defend myself if things get ugly."

"I'm just giving you fair warning, Miss," said the guard. He withdrew the key and pushed the metal door open with a creek.

The first thing Katara heard was the babbling of a young woman that sounded more like the babbling of a brook, it was so fluid and natural, almost. She was dressed in green Earth Kingdom rags, twirling a braided ponytail in her hands. She sat cross-legged, facing the wall to Katara's left. She would have looked perfectly sane, as if having a normal conversation, if it were a person rather than a wall in front of her.

"And I know I shouldn't have been so forceful," she was saying in a bright voice, as if filling the cell up with much needed rays of sun. "I shouldn't have kissed him on the first date, but how could I resist, you know? After all he did for me? I didn't even like the tea. Well, that's not true, but I didn't like the tea nearly as much as – oh, wait, I thought it was time for dinner. Geeze, I'm hungry. I'm getting dizzy, it's been so long since I ate – but I had it all planned out, you know. The moment he lit the fountain, I knew – hey, is that a tsungi horn?"

"Don't tell me I didn't warn you," said the guard, closing the door with a clank, leaving Katara alone in the room with this strange girl.

"It's pretty cold in here," continued the girl, not even noticing Katara's entrance. "But if he were here, he'd be able to warm everything up for me and for everyone here, actually." She laughed. "Juggler at a circus, yeah right! I knew right away, yes I did, don't you know – don't I get my moment of fame? Just because people made fun of me in school doesn't mean it's not true. I met him, you know, and I knew he was the banished prince, and I kissed him, don't you know? It's the truth!"

Katara cleared her throat. "Excuse me, uh, Miss," she said hesitantly. "What are you talking about?"

The girl turned her head to give Katara a blank stare. "The time I went out with Lee." With that she turned back to the wall and continued to blab. "It's true, I knew exactly who he was right away. It's true, truthfulness, thruthiality. Hm, that sounds like a kind of sweet. Just bring the Fire Lord in. He'll recognize me and we can clear this whole thing – Ah! A spider! No, wait, that was just a shadow."

Katara rolled her eyes and left the room. The guard shook his head. "What did I tell you, Miss? Totally off her rocker."

"You said it," said Katara, watching the girl continue her ramblings as the door slowly closed finally blocking her image. "You should probably put her in the cell next to that guy with the foamy mouth."

"Do you really think it's that bad?" asked the guard. "I mean, I know it's bad, but not like the foamy mouth guy."

"She thinks she kissed Fire Lord Zuko," said Katara. "There's nothing my healing skills can do about that. You can tell she really thinks it, deep in her soul. I can't do anything for her."

The guard nodded knowingly, grimly. "Thanks for your time, Miss. Give my regards to the avatar."

Katara smiled without a trace of happiness and gave the guard a curt nod of the head. "I will. Goodbye." As she left, she felt somehow drawn back towards the deranged girl. She wished she could bring Toph to see her, to find out if she was telling the truth, except that would have done no good, since the girl believed she was telling the truth from her heart of hearts. But there was this strange sparkle in the girl's eyes, something she recognized in King Bumi, who was undoubtedly insane as well as wise.

Perhaps she could take Toph not to the rambling girl but to the Fire Lord, ask him if he was ever kissed by an Earth Kingdom girl in Ba Sing Se, and watch for Toph's smirk.

--------------------------------------

Hi, Mom!

-samtana

P.S. Time for editing has grown sparce. If it bugs you, please let me know.


	27. Chief Arnook's Confession

I know I'm supposed to be on sabbatical, but I got such a tolerant response to my Zutara experiment that I figured I owe you something in return. I mean, I don't want to leave you with the taste of Zutara before I go. So here's another confession, an idea randomlvr1 suggested.

I will not be responding to messages, reviews, or new stories between this Sunday and next Sunday at the very least. Just so you know.

I don't town Avatar. Pretend that the word "town" has no "t."

**Chief Arnook's Confession**

_Third day of crescent moon, winter_.

I should be happy. After many long hours of negotiations, the plans for my daughter's marriage are finally under way. She will marry the child of a nobleman, heir to a lineage of wise forbearers. Together they will keep the Northern Water Tribe afloat during these trying times of war. I will miss her dearly.

But something further gnaws at my mind like termites searching for wood. This feeling is beyond the simple emptiness of watching my only daughter leave home, for now and forever. For some reason I feel that this course of action is wrong.

A sadness wells up in me when I think of my beautiful daughter's betrothed, Hahn. I have watched Hahn grow up, since I have been friendly with his family for many years now. And, while his status suits my daughter perfectly, his personality does not. He is, to be blunt, haughty, vulgar, and generally unsophisticated. He is wild and impulsive, even violent at times, so different from the gentle spirit I have spent the past sixteen years raising. In short, they are nothing alike.

I have been thinking about the institution of marriage lately, mainly for this reason. A marriage is a business transaction, as it always has been and always will be, and in those terms this marriage will be an impressive success. I had an arranged marriage, and I do not love my wife, which matters not to our society or to me. But my daughter will doubtlessly grow to loathe this boy Hahn, and I would be devastated to see my only daughter to be forced to live in such eternal sorrow.

In the end, these are the words I am not ever allowed to speak aloud: marriage is actually much more than just a business transaction. It is a commitment. The married are forced to spend their lives together, just as a newborn is forced to spend his life with whatever family fate bestows on him. But why are we so controlling as to control whom our sons and daughters spend the rest of our lives with, too? To what extent should we allow them to choose their own futures?

I understand that this is a dangerous line of thought, for then one could argue that one should be allowed to marry for love and all its folly, by which I mean the love of a single person in lieu of the tribe. Then, as is well known, there would be no more social order as noblewomen would elope with peasants and noblemen would have trysts with prostitutes for a night, and the sexual promiscuity as well as blatant social mixing would cause society to implode on itself.

However, I feel torn apart when I think of the fate I am sentencing my daughter to. Has she not already given enough to the tribe? Why must she be condemned to a married life of misery?

In essence, I am having trouble deciding whether I love my daughter or my tribe more. That is, dear diary, another secret to be locked inside your eternal pages, for outside of my pen and my mind I side without hesitation with the tribe.

_-Arnook_

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This is less of a confession than a treatise on marriage as written by Chief Arnook. But there is a confession or two in there, if you squint hard enough. Hope it came out somewhat satisfactory, randomlvr1.

Aang: Wait, there's no love in the Water Tribe?

Katara: Love of the group is put as a higher priority than the individual.

Aang: Oh, so everyone just sort of loves each other equally out of habit?

Katara: That's right.

Aang: So if someone started to love you more than normal, do you think you might not notice?

Katara: [shrugging] Probably not, but that hasn't happened to me yet.

Aang: [sighs]

Suki: You have to just lean in and kiss her, silly. That's the only way she'll ever know.

--Much later, after the Boiling Rock—

Aang: Suki, I kissed her like you said, but then she said she was confused!

Suki: Wow. It wouldn't confuse me. I don't think you could speak your mind any more clearly than that.

Aang: But I have a plan! I'll kiss you, then Sokka will get jealous and try to hook me up with Katara to get you back. Okay? Good! [kisses her]

Suki: [mortified] Wait, I am so confused!

Aang: Ugh! Not you, too! Do I have to explain it again? Hey, why are you running away?

Samtana: This is getting out of hand…

Toph: Samtana! I need someone to practice my Sokka Seduction Techniques with! You're up!

Samtana: Well, time to exercise these legs. Bye!

-samtana

P.S. It's Kataang week? How come no one told me? Oh, well, I guess I owe you a nice, fluffy Kataang before I leave. Like I don't already have enough work...


	28. Chit Sang's Confession, Part 1

Thanks for all the support, everyone! I have hit a landmark in this series, and I have decided to make that landmark a clear part of this story. Because Chit Sang doesn't really have much to say anyway.

Samtana: Do you mind taking off the fake beard, Sokka? It looks horrible on you.

Sokka: This isn't a fake beard! I grew this while you were away!

Aang: [whispering] It really does look horrible, though.

Sokka: Thanks. I can hear you, you know.

Samtana: And Toph, you smell. How long has it been since you've taken a bath?

Toph: [picking her nose] Since you left.

Samtana: Wow. Was I really gone that long?

Everyone: [nods]

Samtana: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I still don't own Avatar. But look at this drum I bought! [dances]

Katara: Some things never change.

**Chit Sang's Confession, Part 1**

Everyone sat around the fire. They were all waiting for Chit Sang to finish the story, but the tall, muscular man seemed to have hit a soft spot in his character. Katara had come to realize that his wife generally brought about a smooth warmness in his demeanor. She had no trouble imagining Chit Sang's past as a street fighter, and his prior drug addiction fit his appearance perfectly. But she would never have guessed that he would fall so deeply in love as to kick his addiction and return to business school, to live together and raise a beautiful baby boy together.

The battered man, still showing signs of the brutalities of the Boiling Rock tortures, cleared his throat. Without trying to seem too eager, Katara leaned ever so slightly forward. She had the feeling that she could predict what he would say next, but she didn't want to believe it until he said it aloud.

"100 reviews," said Chit Sang, as if stalling while he searched for the perfect words. "100 reviews? 100 reviews?"

No one said a word. Sokka could only shake his head slowly from side to side, clutching Suki's hand tightly. Even Toph had an expression, and was being respectfully still. Katara's eyes darted over to Aang for a moment, whose eyes were closed in deep concentration. Still trying to dismiss thoughts of having children with him as girly fantasies, she tried nonetheless to put herself in Chit Sang's position. What if she was forced to choose between Aang and their child? Katara knew which choice Chit Sang made, even without him saying it outright. But somehow it wasn't true until he confessed it himself.

"100 reviews," he continued somberly. "100, reviews. 100 reviews. 100 reviews. 100, reviews."

"100 reviews," whispered Katara, so quietly that she shouldn't have been heard. But everyone was so still and tense that it was impossible to miss a sound. Chit Sang looked her in the eye and nodded, his eyes watering up.

"100 reviews," he said, his angry voice wavering. "100 reviews."

Suki gasped lightly.

"100 reviews!" sobbed Chit Sang. "100 reviews. 100: reviews. 100, reviews. Reviews."

Conversation ended with that, as Chit Sang bored his head into his arm and whimpered pathetically. It was catchy. Katara wiped a tear from her own eye.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this with real dialogue first, and I'll post that some other time (When? When I'm good and ready, that's when!). But I'm pretty sure you can guess what he was saying.

Aang: We waited all this time for _this_?! Sokka's beard is more interesting!

Samtana: Interesting in a good way?

Aang: …no…

Sokka: Hey!

Toph: My armpits smell "interesting."

Samtana: 100 reviews.

-samtana


	29. Chit Sang's Confession, Part 2

As promised, real dialogue for this story. To keep things interesting, I have different disclaimers and author's notes.

Toph: So I guess we're supposed to do something, then. Like say the disclaimer?

Samtna: [nods eagerly]

Sokka: I have a question: if you say the disclaimer, does that make you a "disclaimerer?"

Samtana: …here's my answer.

Sokka: What does that mean? Why are you only holding up one finger?

Samtana: Don't worry about it. Now, disclaim away, mighty disclaimer…er.

Sokka: I don't know… it's been a while. I think I'm a bit rusty. Here goes: Samtana doesn't own… what's the name of the show again?

Toph: [slaps herself on the forehead]

Samtana: Avatar. I don't own Avatar.

Sokka: Right.

**Chit Sang's Confession, Part 2**

Everyone sat around the fire. They were all waiting for Chit Sang to finish the story, but the tall, muscular man seemed to have hit a soft spot in his character. Katara had come to realize that his wife generally brought about a smooth warmness in his demeanor. She had no trouble imagining Chit Sang's past as a street fighter, and his prior drug addiction fit his appearance perfectly. But she would never have guessed that he would fall so deeply in love as to kick his addiction and return to business school, to live together and raise a beautiful baby boy together.

The battered man, still showing signs of the brutalities of the Boiling Rock tortures, cleared his throat. Without trying to seem too eager, Katara leaned ever so slightly forward. She had the feeling that she could predict what he would say next, but she didn't want to believe it until he said it aloud.

"I didn't know what to do," said Chit Sang, as if stalling while he searched for the perfect words. "Would you? What would you do if they took your child?"

No one said a word. Sokka could only shake his head slowly from side to side, clutching Suki's hand tightly. Even Toph had an expression, and was being respectfully still. Katara's eyes darted over to Aang for a moment, whose eyes were closed in deep concentration. Still trying to dismiss thoughts of having children with him as girly fantasies, she tried nonetheless to put herself in Chit Sang's position. What if she was forced to choose between Aang and their child? Katara knew which choice Chit Sang made, even without him saying it outright. But somehow it wasn't true until he confessed it himself.

"They gave me a week," he continued somberly. "If I turned her in, they would give me Uni back. I almost ran out of time thinking about it. I even thought about giving them my own life instead. But I was a coward, and in the end I gave in."

"And you gave her to them," whispered Katara, so quietly that she shouldn't have been heard. But everyone was so still and tense that it was impossible to miss a sound. Chit Sang looked her in the eye and nodded, his eyes watering up.

"And that was the worst thing I have ever done," he said, his angry voice wavering. "Because they threw me in prison anyway."

Suki gasped lightly.

"I was such a coward!" sobbed Chit Sang. "This is what happened when you deal with the devil. But I will say one thing: that feeling of guilt was so much worse than any torture they could think up at the Boiling rock. No matter what they did to me, I knew I had been through worse. I knew I had been through worse."

Conversation ended with that, as Chit Sang bored his head into his arm and whimpered pathetically. It was catchy. Katara wiped a tear from her own eye.

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Chit Sang: Feels… incomplete.

Samtana: I just gotten back into writing. Give me a break.

Toph: Yeah. He'll strain something if he writes much more than this.

Samtana: Hah, hah, ow, my hamstring.

-samtana


	30. Suki's Improved Confession

Samtana: Hey! Whose is this?

Aang: Let go of me! Put me down!

Samtana: Hello? Anyone? Well, I don't own this. Ah, I'll just put him in the lost-and-found.

Suki's Improved Confession

"How long has it been since you've, you know, liked my sister?" asked Sokka firmly, beginning to tower over the cowering boy. He was trying to keep a level head, but his temper was as uncontrollable as a platypus bear. Veins in his neck and along his forehead started to bulge.

Aang gulped. "Um, for a few days," he stammered meekly. "I mean weeks. I mean four months and thirteen days."

Sokka breathed in through clenched teeth. "Well," he said, his voice beginning to crack. He was really starting to get mad now. Aang inched away. He glanced desperately at Toph, who was lying on her back and picking her toes, enjoying the show. She would be of no help. "You're going to have to stop right now," Sokka began, breaking into a yell. "No one touches my baby sister, okay? No…"

The eclipse diverted Sokka's focus. Suddenly Sokka and Aang were engorged in shadow, an airborne object blocking out the sun. But this object was breathing heavily, and was close by. Turning around, Sokka realized that it wasn't an eclipse but a ridiculously tall and muscular man that was blocking out the sun, an Earth Rumble type body belonging to a viciously frowning face. Sokka joined Aang in cowering.

"Which one of you is Sokka?" The man's voice seemed to shake the earth, but that could have just been Sokka shivering. Either one. Aang jabbed a finger at Sokka and zipped behind his back.

"Um, h-hi there!" said Sokka, forcing a smile, raising a quivering hand into a pathetic wave.

The giant man snorted, his breath stinking of garlic and meat. "So you're the one who's been violating my sister," he snarled.

"Violating…?" said Sokka. "Sister…? Wait, you're Suki's brother?"

The man cracked his knuckles, sending earthquakes through Sokka's body. "No one touches my baby sister, okay?" the man boomed, raising a fist.

"Wait!" screeched Sokka. "I… I'm not involved with Suki! I swear! Please don't hit me!"

"Shut up."

"Please! It's true! I'm in love with Toph, not Suki!"

"Huh?" said Toph, sitting up.

"You're a pathetic liar," growled Suki's brother.

"No, really! I mean it! Watch!" squeaked Sokka, pulling the barely aware Toph to her feet and into his face. What Toph had dreamed of for so many nights (two months and three days, specifically) was finally and suddenly a reality! Toph wrapped her arms around him and pretended that he meant it. Sokka, on the other hand, did not need to pretend. Soon his shivers of fear turned to shivers of pleasure as he obsessed over Toph's warm and muscular lips, the softness of her side under his hand, her chest pressed firmly against him.

"Hmph," said Suki's brother. "I guess I got the wrong Sokka."

Meanwhile, Katara and Suki were preparing dinner together on the other side of the cliff.

"Did I ever tell you that I have this overprotective older brother?" asked Suki.

Katara shook her head, her lips around a spoonful of soup.

"Well, I do," Suki continued. "Since my father died he took it upon himself to raise me, so naturally he's a bit resentful towards the boys in my life."

"So you're worried about what will happen when he meets Sokka?" asked Katara, finishing Suki's thought.

Suki shrugged. "No, not really. I don't even know where my brother is right now."

Katara nodded. "Did I ever tell you that I fantasize about Aang blowing air into my…"

"Woah, hey!" exclaimed Suki, turning red. "One confession's enough for today, thank you!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Samtana: Just trying to poke some holes in that "overprotective Sokka" plot. It's pretty out of his character.

Suki: That wasn't about me at all.

Samtana: It's never about you. Right, Toph and Sokka?

Toph and Sokka: [busy making out]

Suki: …oh…

Katara: Oooo, that one! Right there! That's mine!

Aang: Katara!

Katara: Thanks for taking him to the lost-and-found, Samtana! I don't know what I'd do without you!

Samtana: Probably have a normal life.

Katara: True. Anyway, now we can go find a private place and Aang can blow air into my…

Iroh: [rubbing hands together] Sounds good!

-samtana


	31. The Mechanist's Confession

Sorry, Nikkel. I'll get to Yon Rha next. But before that I have to finally stop putting off re-watching he episode, or I might mess up and post something like this:

Yon Rha: I admit it! I confess! It was my insider trading that crashed the stock market! Oh, and I killed your mother, Katara.

Katara: The stock market!!!!!! You will pay severely for your crimes!

No three-word sentence fragment deserves 6 exclamation points, by the way. Anyway, this is dedicated to my favorite reviewer, who is always a source of inspiration for my stories, though oftentimes unintentionally. You know who you are. Or maybe you don't. Huh.

Enjoy the Mechanist's confession, and relax: I still don't own Avatar.

**The Mechanist's Confession, Or, Suki's Improved Improved Confession**

Teo rubbed his eye, feeling the loose flesh under it flop, before he turned the door handle. The darkness of the room beyond almost made Teo want to fall asleep again, right then and there. But there was something ominous about this place, something that caused Teo to stop yawning and instinctually focus his senses. There was a foul scent, reminding Teo of the explosions of warfare that the Avatar inadvertently brought with his protest of the Fire Nation's intrusion on his ancestral temple. It smelled faintly like dripping metal, like a tilted candle made of steel instead of wax.

Repulsed but also drawn towards this scent, Teo wheeled himself into the room, taking care not to push the wheels too hard for fear of making a sound. The light from outside cut like a knife across the floor, but in the back somewhere Teo could make out a dim, warm light coupled with the lightning-like flashes twitching in and out at irregular intervals. The sound of the flickering light echoed back to Teo's ears, sounding like a fly that was continuously throwing itself against the wall. He knew he should simply return to his room, but he had been ignoring his attraction to this unexplored area of the temple for three days since the sounds began, and now Teo had no mental energy to refuse its call.

"What are you doing here?" echoed a deep, comforting voice. "You should be asleep, my boy."

To Teo's right, bathed in shadow, he could see his father, unmistakable because of his hair, even in the dark. Teo could barely distinguish his outline, but the young boy's eyes were beginning to adjust to the poor lighting. He wondered how his father could cope, how he could see what he was doing. Teo could sense a change in his father. Normally jovial, even by accident, his father always walked crooked and offbeat, his voice always cracking like a children's entertainer. Now he was serious and rigid, his mind and body completely focused on whatever he was doing right now. Maybe it was just the light and the environment of this place that made Teo feel that way.

"Dad?" he said through a yawn. "What are you doing? It's…" Teo looked at the tiny candle on a mantle, "3:00 in the morning."

"Which is why you're supposed to be in bed," said his father in a monotone.

Teo looked around the room. There were shelves and shelves and shelves of scattered, disorganized gears and pullies and other machine parts that Teo could never begin to identify. Whatever his father was doing, it was more complex than anything Teo could possibly imagine. Teo opened his mouth.

"I have always envied the other girls in the group," spat a computerized female voice, making Teo jump back inside his chair.

"What was that?" asked Teo, scooting his chair back towards the door. His curiosity was beginning to fade, replaced by fear.

His father sighed. "This," he said wearily, "is a Suki." The renowned technician rested his hands on the contraption he was concerned with, and suddenly Teo recognized it as a torso with a head of medium-short hair on top.

"What's a Suki?" asked Teo suspiciously. "Are you making a robot?"

"I always felt guilty for my brother's death, even though I know I had nothing to do with it," said the Suki. Teo shivered.

"Not just a robot," said Teo's father, some of the energetic life returning to his voice. "The perfect robot. A robot that is so realistic that people will never know it's a machine."

"But why would you build something like that?" asked Teo. "I know you don't have to make weapons anymore, but why would you build a… Suki?"

Teo's father grunted, and the sound of flies bumping into walls resumed, coupled with faint neon flickers. "This is a perfect weapon to strike back against the Fire Nation," he growled menacingly, a tone of voice that Teo would rather not have heard coming from his father. "I am going to create the ultimate warrior, unburdened by doubts, fears, loves, passions, or any other cumbersome emotions. She will be completely two-dimensional, single-mindedly driven only by the goal or eradicating the Fire Nation."

Teo pushed his chair back a little more. The light from the candle had caught his father's eye, and Teo could see that he was possessed both by obsession and by spiteful vengeance. Teo was horrified.

"When she is finished," continued Teo's father, "this emotionless shell will take the place of the living girl Suki and join the Avatar on his quest. Then our victory will be nearly certain." Teo gasped slightly, perplexed that his father had arrived at the conclusion to replace a real girl with a fake one. What could this possibly accomplish?

"I used to cry every night when I learned my mother didn't love me," garbled the Suki. Teo believed he could hear more emotion coming from the mechanical doll than his possessed father would have liked to admit.

"She sounds pretty emotional to me," said Teo.

His father sighed. "Yes, that is the problem that has kept me awake for three straight nights. You see, you can't just program a robot. You have to give it a past, a series of prior experiences as a crude database for its future reactions. I have been programming all sorts of different pasts for this robot, but no matter what I try she keeps on… keeps on…"

"Confessing," said Teo.

"I never loved Sokka," said the forlorn robot. "I was only using him to fight alongside the Aatar. I feel guilty when I think about that."

Teo's father mumbled something to himself, and the flickering and buzzing quickly resumed.

"Dad, this isn't the right way," pleaded Teo. "Please, replacing a real girl with this thing isn't going to solve anything!"

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" grumbled his father. "It's 3:15."

"I never even wanted to be a Kioshi Warrior," said the Suki. "I just did it because my mother wanted me to. But I grew to like it in the end. Now I'm actually happy."

"Look, Dad," said Teo, "maybe you should just work on those plans Sokka sent us instead. I mean, at least in his plan no innocent girls are going to be displaced and no one else is going to be killed."

"Look!" snapped his father. "I don't care what happens to the real girl Suki, and I don't care if people die! So long as the Fire Nation pays for what they did to us and our home, that is all that matters!"

Teo couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe, and when he finally could again it felt as if he still couldn't get the oxygen to his brain. His father resumed work on the pathetic Suki, white light flashing against the walls. Teo took quick short breaths, the air never reaching his lungs, and his eyes started to sting and blur up with tears.

"Can you hear yourself, Dad?" he said finally, his voice shaking with the failed effort of maintaining calm. "What you're saying; you sound just like them!"

There was silence for a few moments. The light flashes stopped, along with the strange buzzing sound. The only prevalent aspect of the room that remained was the horrible stench, but everyone was used to it now, so much so that it was as if it wasn't even there anymore. Only the Suki dared to say anything.

"When I met the Avatar, I was so confused. I had been sure that staying neutral in the war was the best thing to do. But then I realized that it was more complicated than that if I wanted to fight for what I truly believe in. Freedom, independence, justice. I realized that protecting those ideals on an island is almost meaningless. It was earth shattering for me. I had to re-think my entire life."

Teo's father sighed, slouching over like he did in the old days. "You're right," he said sadly, but his voice cracked ever so jubilantly in the familiar way. "Oh, goodness, son, you're right." He rested a sweaty hand on Teo's shoulder, causing the boy to look up and smile.

"I've never had someone to love me," said the Suki. "I was always on my own."

_Fine._

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That was… much different than I expected it would be. And the mechanist was a little out of character. But he didn't have much of a character to begin with, so it's all good.

Sokka: Thank goodness Suki is a three-dimensional character in the actual show, right?

Everyone: [glances around nervously]

Sokka: I said, "Right?"

Everyone: [mumbles agreement]

Sokka: Hm. Well, at least Yue was a fleshed out character. Am I right?

Everyone: Uh…

Sokka: Oh, come on!

Katara: Face the facts, brother. You fall in love with flat characters all the time.

Toph: I'll be flat for you!

Sokka: I guess you're right, Katara. Now I think I'll go make out with Suki for a while. Toodles!

Toph: …did you even hear me…? …aw…

-samtana


	32. The Duke's Confession

I am going back on a promise. This confession was supposed to be about Yon Rha. Unfortunately, he turns out to be the least inspirational character ever to be conceived. Really. This is my brain when I try to think of a good confession for him:

Yon Rha

Southern Raiders

Oakland Raiders

Sports

Hmmm, I wanna check my email.

Crap! Still don't own Avatar. Why won't Mike or Bryan ever write back?!

Uncontrollable sadness

Watching GanXingba will make me feel better.

Wait, wasn't I supposed to be writing something?

Yon Rha

[censored]

Steak

**The Duke's Confession**

"What do you want?" snapped The Duke irritably. "I'm right in the middle of something."

"Well, sir, it seems that one of our citizens had a fall," said one of the halflings.

"A great fall," said the other.

"Yes, sir, a great fall," repeated the first.

"Let me guess," sighed The Duke, rolling his eyes. "Did he fall from the top of a wall?"

"From the top of a wall, sir," said the first halfling.

"A very tall wall."

"Yes, sir, a very tall wall."

"And this is the question, I beg: is this fallen citizen an egg?" asked The Duke.

"Right you are, sir."

"A broken egg, sir. At least now he is."

The Duke cursed under his breath. "I told that blundering idiot a million times about sitting on that wall," he said. "Well, it's The King's job, not mine, so go tell him about it. Also tell him that he can borrow some of my horses and men to help put him together _again_, but if they can't do it, remind The King how much I love scrambled eggs."

"Right away, sir."

"Right away with no delay, sir." Together the halflings marched off.

"Now, where was I?" pondered The Duke. "Oh, yes! I love you, Toph."

"I love you, too, The Duke."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Toph: Stop it! What's so great about messing with my love life?

Samtana: You didn't like this story?

Toph: No! Especially that stupid ending!

The Duke: [forlornly] Aw…

Humpty Dumpty: Actually, I thought the rest of it was pretty bad, too.

Katara: How'd you get here?

Azula: Who wants fried eggs?

Humpty Dumpty: [screams]

-samtana


	33. Uncle's Confession

Samtana: Mom! Mike and Bryan own Avatar and they won't share it with me!

Mom: Oh, Samtana, I can't make Mike and Bryan share if they don't want to. Why don't you make up your own TV show?

Samtana: But… but I want it! I want it I want it I want it I WANT IT!

Mom: Oh, grow a pair.

**Uncle's Confession**

"Uncle?" came Zuko's voice. It always sounded so burnt. It reminded Iroh of charcoal.

"Yes, nephew?" said Iroh. "Or should I call you Fire Lord now?" Iroh gave the realized prince a warm smile at a combination of the burnt voice and the handsome young man in elaborate Fire Lord robes. What a fitting outfit for a wonderful young man.

"I would like to ask for some advice," said Zuko at nearly a mumble, his eyes moving this way and that. Of course something was on his mind.

"You can always come to me with your questions," said Iroh. "Now, what is it that troubles you?"

Zuko twiddled his thumbs. "Well, I don't know exactly how to put this, but I'm worried about my relationship with Mai."

"With Mai?" repeated Iroh.

"Yes, Uncle. I've always felt like she's perfect for me, ever since I was a boy, so nothing should be wrong. But there have been rumors, rumors that aren't true at all, about me and Katara, that make me doubt that Mai trusts me anymore. What should I do to regain her trust, Uncle? Or should I stop clinging to a memory from my childhood and open my mind up to other possibilities?"

"Please stop asking these questions," said Iroh. Suddenly he looked tired, his wrinkled face and golden eyes giving off the air of a weary traveler telling his tale to friends by the fireplace. There was a distinct far away coldness in his tone, and Zuko didn't like it. "I cannot help you with such a matter. The answer is something you must discover on your own."

"Please, Uncle," pleaded Zuko. "You are the wisest person I know."

Iroh smiled widely, but it looked insincere. "Thank you, sweet nephew. It is true that I love to give all sorts of advice to you, but I prefer to remain impartial regarding matters of the heart."

The old man stopped talking, his fake smiled faded, and his far away look returned. Zuko sighed. He was going to have to figure this one out on his own, just as he feared. He opened his mouth to offer thanks, but his uncle interrupted him.

"I never married," said Iroh, his words running aimlessly like water spilled on a road. "Lu Ten was born from an illicit woman. I loved her so, but she was drawn only to my uniform and my rank. I desperately wanted her to love me, and I did everything I could to make her happy. She died giving birth to our son, leaving me with the knowledge that she never loved me. And that is why I cannot give advice on matters of the heart."

Zuko wondered if he was supposed to rest his arm on his uncle's shoulder at this point. That's what Katara would have done, and it always seemed to help when she did, but Zuko found he couldn't move. He had never known his uncle to use such short, unpoetic words, especially concerning an involved emotional tale. It was how he normally talked of Lu Ten, though this was a story hidden so deep that Zuko had never heard it before.

"I'm sorry," was all Zuko could manage to say, and he said it at a burnt whisper that was almost inaudible.

The life flowed back into Iroh's eyes, and he turned to face his nephew with a genuine smile. "You know who is the best to talk to regarding matters of the heart?"

"Who?"

"A badgerfrog."

-------------------------------------------------------------

Badgerfrog: Ribbit.

-samtana


	34. A Baboon Spirit's Confession

Aang: Now, Samtana, I want you to meet my friend Koh. Just remember not to make an expression.

Samtana: Don't worry. I'm solid as a stone!

Aang: Okay, then! Oh, by the way, did you hear that Mike and Bryan still own Avatar and they'll never share it with you no matter what?

Samtana: What?! What in the world! Those toilet lickers! I'll show those idiots! I'll own Avatar someday, you'll see!

Aang: Um… yeah, maybe we should skip this for now.

Koh: Aw, man.

**A Baboon Spirit's Confession**

The avatar boy jumped eagerly away, chasing after the little light speck, and the baboon spirit sighed. "Finally," he said to himself, trying to convince himself that the boy's departure hadn't saddened him. Playing hard to get was so difficult, even after an eternity of practice. Why did the gullible boy believe that a firefly wannabe would know where to find the moon and the ocean spirits? It was supposed to spark a conversation. "Why would that light know anything about the moon and ocean spirits?" "I have no idea. I'm just meditating." "Really? I love meditating! I do it all the time." "Yes, it's wonderful, isn't it? But it's so much better with a friend, don't you think?"

Alone again, the spirit had nothing left to do but survey his surroundings. Icky swampland here, icky swampland there. There was nothing left in this bland realm to meditate about anymore; the only reason he took that physical position was to give the air of lonely studiousness. Someday, he daydreamed, a true friend would notice the sadness in his heart, approach him, and comfort him. Then his endless loneliness would end and he would have the friend he had been waiting for so long to find. Together they could sing songs and dance about the swamp and tell stories from when they were young spirits. After a millennium of waiting without results, the spirit was unable to admit the inevitable truth to his still hopeful heart.

Eventually the avatar boy returned on the back of a bear spirit. He pretended not to be excited in his meditation pose. It was time to play hard to get again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samtana: I've got it! I'll infiltrate Mike and Bryan's house and steal Avatar! I'll dress up like Katara, and they'll have to do anything I tell them because everyone is in love with Katara! Then I'll tie them up in the closet and torture them until they give me Avatar for once and for all! It's a foolproof plan! Victory will be mine!

Zuko: It's kind of sad, isn't it?

Mai: Just "kind of" sad?

Zuko: Okay, incredibly sad.

Mai: Just "incredibly" sad?

Samtana: I will be irresistible in my Katara costume! Mike and Bryan will crumble in the wake of my feminine beauty!

Aang: But why are you so obsessed with dressing up as a girl? Why do you have to do that?

Samtana: [stares blankly] All the best plans involve cross-dressing.

Sokka: He's got a point.

-samtana


	35. La's Confession

The story of the start of the second-greatest romance, which took place just after the first-greatest romance.

Samtana: Do I own you yet?

Aang: No.

Samtana: Do I own you now?

Aang: No. I just said that.

Samtana: Do I own you now?

Aang: No! Stop asking! You don't own Avatar, got it? Geeze, you're so annoying!

Katara: Well, at least it's better than, "Are we married yet? Is it the wedding night yet?"

Aang: Who said that?

Katara: You.

Aang: Oh, yeah.

**La's Confession**

"Where's Tui? Oh, my fins and gills, where is she? Why can't I find her?"

"Hush, my dear. It's okay. I am your moon now."

"You're not my darling Tui! Oh, I have to find her! She was just here, we were just dancing a moment ago, and, oh, my tail and scales, she has to be around here somewhere!"

"Sh, sh, it will be alright. My name is Yue. You can dance with me."

"But I want to dance with Tui! Oh, my sweet, sweet Tui! Oh, my lidless eyes, I miss her so much! Where is she? When will she come back?"

"I am sorry, La, but she is not coming back. I grieve for your loss. But please do not fret. Let us dance so that we may together push and pull the water."

"I can't dance. Oh, no, I can't dance without anyone but my sweet, sweet Tui. Oh, my slippery scales, she was right. I should have known, but she was so very, very right! Oh, we should never have been koi fish, just as she said all those millennia ago! She wanted to be so many different things: insects, large beasts, birds in the air. But I, so foolish, insisted on us being koi fish here in this pool. More like a "coy" fish! She knew it was dangerous and she warned me clearly, but even as a spirit I had the brain of a fish!"

"I am so sorry, my dear La. Let us dance together to remember beautiful Tui."

"Oh, my gills, I don't know about that. No one can dance like my sweet, sweet Tui."

"That is most likely true, but give me the chance and perhaps you will grow to like my dance as well."

"Oh… alright, Miss Yue. I suppose it is the only thing we can do."

"Then let us begin."

"Miss Yue?"

"Yes?"

"You are quite beautiful."

"Thank you."

--------------------------------

Mmm, yummy North Pole episode plot ideas. Those episodes make me want to make snow cones.

Sokka: Ah! My Watchtower! Samtana, what in the world are you doing?

Samtana: Hey, Sokka, want a snow cone? They're delicious! Here, you can borrow my scooper and blueberry syrup.

Zuko: They are actually quite good.

Sokka: Don't encourage him!

Seriously, don't encourage me.

Speaking of encouragement, this series is now up to 150 reviews (exactly)! Oh, my fingers and hands, it makes me so excited! Thanks for all the support along this long road, and I hope you all continue to enjoy this little project all the way until the goal of 100 confessions is finally reached! All of you should go buy yourselves ice cream for being such great reviewers. Ciao,

-samtana


	36. Koh's Confession

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, but there are still some ideas whirling around in my head that have to come out before I explode. Sorry, I'm selfish that way. For now, it's time to spend some quality time with my favorite face stealer, as I have started to in my newest (only) sustained plot series, "We'll Meet Again." See if you can spot where the confession is in this little story. Koh is cool. Don't water him.

Dora the Explorer: Watch out! Samtana the mediocre fan fiction writer is trying to swipe Avatar! Everyone, say, "Samtana, no swiping!" _Samtana, no swiping! Samtana, no swiping! Samtana, no swiping! _Great job, amigos! Samtana still doesn't own Avatar!

Samtana: Dora, what the hell?!

**Koh's Confession**

"Welcome back, my friend," said Koh, his legs clicking against the cave's floor.

"Hello again," replied Aang, still as could be.

"I suppose you would like to ask for my help with something again. What other purpose could bring a face like yours to me?"

"Yes, in fact, I would like your help," said Aang. "I wonder if there is a different kind of bending that could be used to resolve conflicts within a person's mind. I would like to learn such an art, if at all possible."

"A bending to resolve conflicts within a person's mind," said Koh, more to himself than to Aang. He sounded unsure of himself as he circled round and round. "Oh, yes," he said at last, as if remembering something. "Confusion bending."

"Confusion bending?"

"Yes, confusion bending," repeated Koh. "You can manipulate the confusion inside another person's mind. It is an ancient and rare form of bending, even more unheard of than spirit bending, but it can be learned."

Aang tried not to get excited. This could cure Katara of her inexplicable coldness towards him! "Where can I learn this power?"

"Right here, in fact," said Koh deeply, creeping around the boy. "The power is within yourself. You simply have to concentrate on the emotions deep within you. Give into them. Allow them to spread through you and resolve the confusions within yourself. Let the energy of this resolution flow throughout your body, through your mind, and into your face."

Aang snapped out of his reverie with a start, the panic of realization setting in. "Hey, there's no such thing as confusion bending, is there?" He demanded hotly. "You're trying to trick me!"

"Gotcha," grinned Koh, zipping in.

--------------------------------------

Koh: And then, get this, I told him what he wanted to learn was "confusion bending." Confusion bending! I mean, what in the world is confusion bending? What a gullible Avatar! Poor guy would do anything to get this girl to like him, you know what I mean?

Dora the Explorer: [stares emotionlessly]

Koh: [gloomily] No one ever laughs at my stories.

Dora the Explorer: All for good reason, Koh. For good reason.

-samtana

P.S. I also don't own Dora, but I don't mind so much about that one.


	37. Tom Tom's Confession

Take it or leave it.

Toph: Leave it.

Yes, that's probably the right way to go. Some suggestive humor for the folks back home, with a hint of an earlier confession regarding this topic.

If you want something serious, read "We'll Meet Again." I feel guilty writing something as mindless as this confession. For that reason I almost didn't post it. But, why not?

**Tom Tom's Confession**

"Come on, don't be shy," Tom Tom's brother-in-law coaxed. "Tell our guests something you like about grade school."

"No," said Tom Tom flatly, his eyes on his food. "I hate school."

Zuko and Mai desperately glanced around the table at their guests. Sokka was in the middle of a large mouthful, working down a tough piece of meat, but at least his eyes were respectfully focused on the conversation. Katara, her best manners always on display, sat quietly with her hands in her lap. Zuko tried the best he could to convey his surprise at Tom Tom's words through his facial expression. In fact, Tom Tom had only been visiting the Royal Palace for a few days, and, Zuko realized now, he had not once said a thing about school before.

"You don't really hate school, do you?" said Zuko, trying to sound friendly.

"It's perfectly normal not to like school," Katara cut in, a hint of sadness in her voice. Zuko sounding friendly was never as encouraging as Katara sounding friendly. "But he also might have trouble talking about it with a couple of strangers like me and my brother."

Mai shook her head. "I always thought he liked school. Dad says he always brings home pictures from art class. He loves drawing."

Tom Tom kept staring at his food.

"What does he like to draw?" asked Katara.

"Volcanoes erupting on top of villages," said Mai proudly. Zuko winced.

Sokka swallowed his meat with a loud gulp. "You know that's not normal, right?"

"Nonsense," said Mai.

Katara changed the subject, which was a relief for Zuko. "Tom Tom?" she said soothingly in that special way Katara could. No wonder she had become the chief veteran's therapist after the war. No one could talk quite as gently as she. "Why don't you like school? Do you miss home?"

Tom Tom shook his head.

"Do you miss your parents?"

Tom Tom shook his head.

"Do you not like your teachers?"

Tom Tom shook his head.

"Do you not like the other kids?"

Tom Tom didn't shake his head.

"Why don't you like them?" asked Katara compassionately. "What is wrong with the other kids?"

There was a short pause where the only sound in the room was Sokka's chewing, then Tom Tom said at a voice so low that it was almost impossible to hear, "They make fun of me."

Katara straightened up slowly. "I see," she said. "I'm sorry."

"What do they say?" asked Mai.

"They say, 'You're so short. You're so small. You're so tiny. The only reason you're important is because you're Fire Lady Mai's brother and because of Fire Lord Zuko."

Katara exchanged a glance with Sokka, who had stopped eating for the moment. Zuko was hoping that Katara would have something to say that would be able to resolve this conversation, fix Tom Tom's psyche, and allow the conversation to shift towards tea or something like that. But it was Tom Tom who continued talking instead.

"Then I say, 'I might be smaller than Fire Lord Zuko, but I am bigger than him in one important way. Not like Zuko, I have a big, giant…"

Zuko interrupted by standing up suddenly, his knees hitting the table and sending plates into the air to clink back down on the surface. "Anyone want tea?" he blurted out louder than he should have. The he turned to Tom Tom and said, also louder than he should have, "Tom Tom, that's private information!"

"What?" said Tom Tom, confused. "I thought you told me to have the biggest heart of anyone I knew."

"Biggest heart?" Zuko felt himself blushing. He tugged at his collar and took a quick glance at Katara, who was obviously trying to hold in laughter. Even Mai was getting some color in her face. Dammit. "Yes, you're right, Tom Tom," he said, trying to put on a deep Fire Lord voice. Everything was supposed to be under control. No more talking about Tom Tom's big, giant… heart. Zuko sat down and shoved some food into his mouth. It was time to stop talking.

Katara tried to talk with a calm voice, but the laughter was still seeping through: "If you have such a big, giant heart, then you will learn to love school soon enough, Tom Tom," she said with a smile. "I believe in you."

"That's right," Mai joined in. "And you'll learn than even though you're small, size isn't the most important thing. Isn't that right, Zuko?" she said, nudging the Fire Lord with her elbow. Zuko sprayed his dinner out of his mouth and over the feast table.

As everyone laughed, Zuko felt like hurling a fireball into the center of his big, giant heart.

---------------------------------------------

Read Mai's Confession to know where this came from. A more creative Jun's Confession is up next, so don't lose faith in me because of this lame "Guy's humor." Please?

-samtana

Toph: Wait, you forgot the disclaimer.

Samtana: You're right. Thanks, Toph.

Toph: [waits expectantly]

Samtana: I don't own Avatar.

[silence]

Toph: That's it?

Samtana: [nods]

Toph: But that was so anticlimactic. You're supposed to say something funny! We're all used to it now.

Samtana: Hey, I can't be creative and funny all the time. Being a genius is tough.

Toph: Right. And you think that you're a genius?

Smatana: No, I asked the Mechanist what it's like. He said, "Tough."

Toph: Figures. You spelled your name wrong, by the way.

Samtana: Pure genius! [to himself] Wait, how did she know I spelled my name wrong? Toph can't read!

Toph: [clapping] Way to go, genius.


	38. Jun's Confession

New chapter coming up for We'll Meet Again. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Nobody: [waiting]

Well, whatever. Anyway, I hope this confession is a little more substantive than other recent ones have been. Now, enjoy another crossover disclaimer!

Eureka: Sorry, Samtana, but you don't own Avatar.

Samtana: Aw, why do you have to be so mean, Eureka?

Eureka: Why are you calling me names? Is it because I'm an alien? Don't look at me; I'm hideous! [runs off whimpering]  
Renton: Not again. I'll go get her.

Samtana: Does this happen a lot?

Renton: Yeah.

Jun's Confession

"So, you want to be a bounty hunter, huh? Look to your left. Now look to your right. None of the people you just looked at will ever become a bounty hunter. That's because bounty hunters don't exist."

Jun turned to her left to see a smiling classmate fading away into the background, evaporating into the air right in front of her eyes. Jun whipped her head to the other side and watched in horror as another classmate, an old friend from home, started melting to the ground like a burning candle, her hand waving lightly in the air as it decomposed. Soon Jun, breathing heavily, was left alone in the classroom with only her burly instructor to look at.

"You see?" said her instructor as Jun's head swiveled about, looking for the others who used to be in the room with her. She was so cold now. The room was so empty. "You have no chance to succeed. Your new life will be filled with solitude and isolation. This loneliness you feel is unacceptable."

"What happened to my friends?" demanded Jun.

"They don't exist," said her instructor with a menacing grin. "They never did. You never had friends or family or anyone close to you. Your only drive in life was to grow into a legendary occupation that doesn't exist. That has been your life for all of eternity."

"But bounty hunters do exist," Jun asserted, trying to match the menace of her instructor. "I saw one in my home village growing up."

Her instructor laughed, a hearty, booming laugh that echoed through the hallways all around and the tree leaves above, the vibrations all focusing their strength on the defiant ears of the woman seated in the middle. "What you saw was a mirage, the result of an overactive imagination produced by a childhood of dreadful solitude. You confuse fantasy with reality, little girl!"

Suddenly Jun felt herself shrinking in her chair. She felt pigtails poking out of her head, and she lifted the braids in front of her eyes to confirm it. She wore a checkered kimono and a thin film of makeup on her nose where a pimple throbbed lightly. It was just as she remembered.

"I know what I saw!" she said with her cracking pubescent voice. "Don't you tell me what's real and what's not!"

"Why not?" boomed the man, his voice louder with his newly enhanced size advantage over her. "I am your instructor, and I know how this world works. Why shouldn't I be the one to teach you what is real and what isn't?"

"Because," snarled Jun, "I saw a bounty hunter kill my dad." She stared daggers at her instructor, but he dodged each one, leaving them buried in the corkboard behind him. "My dad was a troublesome rebel fighting against the Fire Nation's presence in my home village, so a lot of people wanted him dead. Especially me. He beat me each day, and he would always tell me how I would never amount to anything, how my brother had all the good genes in the family. I wanted him dead so badly that when the bounty hunter rode into town and cut his head off, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. At that moment and every moment since, all I've ever wanted to be was a bounty hunter like the man who killed my father. So don't tell me they don't exist! And don't tell me my friends don't exist either, because they're sitting right here next to me!"

The chair on Jun's left was filled by a girl fading into focus slowly, like she was being bled out by the colors around her. On her right a girl was melting in reverse until she attained the form of a living, breathing young woman, her hand waving idly in the air. "Thank goodness!" she exclaimed, the confident voice of the friend Jun remembered. "I was getting sick of not existing!"

"Not possible!" exclaimed the burly instructor, sweat dotting his upper lip. "How could you… why is this…"

"And I am not a little girl anymore!" shouted Jun, sprouting as her voice spilled out, the pigtails blending into the rest of her hair, the kimono melting into her familiar outfit.

"There are no bounty hunters!" stumbled the instructor, stepping back into the wall. "There is no such thing! The man you saw kill your father, he was no bounty hunter! He was a Fire Nation soldier with direct orders from Fire Lord Ozai! There are no bounty hunters!"

"Yes there are!" retaliated Jun, jumping to her feet and sending her chair careening backwards and through the window behind her. "Because the person who hired my father's killer was me!"

Wind began to blow from behind the burly instructor with incredible force, throwing Jun's classmates through the threshold and into the empty black void where the window used to be. Jun was able to hold her ground in her aggressive standing position, but everything in the room was being sucked inevitably into the black hole. The Burly instructor was quickly sucked in, as were the chairs and desks and daggers stuck in the wall. Soon the walls themselves followed suit, then the echoing hallways and trees all around, and soon there was no way that Jun could resist the darkness any longer. Letting herself go, she allowed the current to sweep her away.

With that, Jun snapped out of her reverie. She was in a small room, facing a cowering young man, his shivering back against the wall. His eyes were wide and terrified, his breathing harsh and rapid. In his left hand he clutched what looked like a pendulum with a small, decorated weight on the other end.

"You bastard," Jun spat, standing up.

Within moments the young man was tied and gagged, knocked unconscious by a bulging bruise on his temple. Jun left the hut with the young man draped across her shoulders and looked out over the forest scenery under the moonlight, a solitary cloud splitting celestial orb in two. The nighttime, the trees, the wind, the cloud covering the moon, all of it was definitely real.

"What a pesky hypnotist," she said to herself. "No wonder the Earth King was so desperate to catch him."

------------------------------------------------------------

Mmm, she shouts a little bit more here than she does in the show. Well, emotions bring out unseen aspects in people. I wonder who those two classmates/friends were.

Thanks Sarcastic Ninja for the suggestion for this one. Really, thanks. I think I'll adapt this one to be a non-fan fiction at some point. I had a lot of fun writing this. Have a yellow penguin.

-samtana


	39. Hakoda's Confession

Sometimes when I am feeling low

I like to think of Avatar

And yet I still don't own the show

Even though I've come so far

As I write I like I grow

And wish upon a shooting star

I'll own the show that I love so

That dear old Avatar

**Hakoda's Confession**

"Erg!" yelped Aang, sucking his thumb. It was already swelling and hot; he could feel it on his tongue. The craftsman's hammer lay on the ground where he had dropped it, at the foot of his chair. The force that was supposed to be used to pound into metal was accidentally directed onto Aang's thumb. It would probably hurt for weeks. If only he could use earthbending instead of this stupid ceremonial hammer and chisel!

"Are you all right?" asked Hakoda kindly.

"This is so frustrating!" groaned Aang, the thumb in his mouth causing him to slur his syllables.

Hakoda smiled warmly at him. "It's not about fighting with the necklace. You have to forge it with the same love and care that you have for the person you're making it for. Speaking of which," he said at the sound of footsteps approaching, "here she is now."

"Hi, Aang. Hi, Dad," said Katara, lifting the flap and ducking into the room. "How's the necklace coming?"

"It could be better," said Aang in a low voice, examining his hand.

"I'm sure it's not that bad," smiled Katara, walking over. "Let me see."

"Um…" started Aang, but it was too late, and Katara's smile was already contorting upon eye contact with the unfinished artifact. Aang hung his head.

"Why are the lines so straight?" she said. "They're supposed to flow like water."

"I know, I know, I know!" said Aang, aggravated. "I know how it's supposed to look, okay? I've seen it a million times!"

"Hey, now," said Hakoda. "This is no cause for argument."

"I'm sure it'll come out okay," Katara said, encouragement in her voice again. Smooth piano music began to fade in from another room. "Everyone gets frustrated from time to time."

"What's that music?" asked Aang, looking around. The piano kept growing louder and louder. "Where's it coming from?"

"Oh, no," said Hakoda gravely, his eyes widening in fear. "Katara, don't do this! Trust me, there's a reason we don't do this here! I tried once when I was your age, and…"

"It'll be okay, Dad," Katara said, the tone in her voice edging rapidly upwards. Aang could barely hear her words over the piano now, it had grown so dominant.

"What?" he said at a near shout. "What's going on?"

**Katara's Song:**

Everyone has times of pain

And this is one for you

But think of the great times we had

And you will make it through

Everyone gets frustrated

From time to time to time

But think of love inside your heart

And it will be all right

_[Her voice rose to unimaginable heights and the piano joined her in its even greater newfound volume.]_

Oh! You've got friends

Supporting you through life

Oh! You've got me

Soon to be your wife

Oh! We're all people

And no matter who we are

_[There was a pause in the music as the piano rested on a chord for emphasis.]_

Here, we all believe in you

My sweet, sweet Avatar

_[With that Katara's voice soared again, hitting notes Aang didn't know existed, as the piano banged out a trite coda.]_

My sweet, sweet Avatar

**With the song being over**, Katara stood panting in the center of the room, her face reddened from the effort of the singing. She smiled at Aang, her arms stretched out towards him, but he had gone pale, shoving himself as deeply into his chair as he could. The sound of sobbing babies wafted through the flaps and into the craft room, the tortured voices of the infants echoing through the bowl-shaped room. Confused, she looked over at her father, whose hands were still over his ears.

"As I said," Hakoda mumbled through the pain, "there's a reason Avatar isn't a musical."

----------------------------------------------------------

Hakoda: I completely understand it if you want to call the marriage off because of this.

Aang: Yeah, I guess you're right. Besides, the straight lines on this necklace could probably be changed to make an Earth Kingdom talisman. I could always offer it to Toph.

Toph: Score!

Samtana: [rubbing hands together] Does this mean Katara's available?

Katara: You're creepy.

-samtana


	40. General Fong's Confession

"Say it!"

"I don't own Avatar."

"What was that?"

"I don't own Avatar, sir."

"I can't hear you!"

"I don't own Avatar, sir!"

"Good! Now drop and give me 40 confessions!"

"Sir, yes sir! My younger brother is smarter and more mature than me, sir! I still don't know how to spell Bueatiful, sir! I didn't stop wetting the bed until I was nine, and that's only because I started wearing diapers at night again, sir! When I was in Canada, I stole a…"

"Stop it, soldier! I mean give me 40 Avatar confessions!"

"Sir, my apologies, sir!"

Hint: I feel this confession succeeds best when read aloud. If you can/want to.

**General Fong's Confession**

"Nation Fire the defeat and world this protect to anything do I will!" bellows General Fong furiously. A clump of rocks floats in front of him, held out by his open palms. One leg is behind him and his back arched forward, as if he is prepared at any moment to dive into a headlong charge. Not exactly a welcome sight. "Tolerated be not will death more!"

Sokka cocks his head. This is certainly a change in direction for the battle, as if it could get any weirder. First the man goes crazy and starts attacking Aang to draw out the Avatar state, but now he starts talking gibberish? This is too much to handle.

"Thugs Nation Fire those to, war the in brother elder my lost I," spits General Fong. "Forget never will I and, was it ago years three."

Okay, this is starting to make a little sense. Something about an elder brother, maybe? "What are you talking about?" asks Sokka, cautiously. He doesn't want to make him angrier. After all, he does have a clump of rocks floating in front of him, and they probably would hurt to be hit with.

Good thing Katara decided to miss this.

"Excuse me," croaks Aang from the side. "Can you guys stop talking nonsense and help me out of here?" Oh, yeah. Sokka almost forgot. Aang's lower half is currently sandwiched into place by two thick slices of earth. Well, he's the Avatar. He'll be fine. Probably.

"Monsters those by me from ripped mercilessly was he and, was he, life my in me to person closest the was he!" shouts General Fong with the air of someone who knows what he is saying. "Scum manipulating fire horrible that of world the rid to as so, _anything,_ anything do would I that myself to oath an swore I, murdered brutally was brother dear my when!"

Sokka shakes his head with frustration. "Nope, I'm still not understanding you, dude."

A familiar voice comes down from the balcony: "What's going on down there, Sokka?" It's Katara. Maybe she can figure out what this guy's trying to say. She's okay at that kind of thing.

"Love I someone of death the avenge to nothing at stop will I because is boy this of out state Avatar the drag to going am I reason the: again it say I'll and once it said I!" hollers the general. Sokka shrugs at Katara and points at General Fong, just to make sure she knows what he's talking about.

Katara smirks, then breaks out into laughter. "So not only is his thinking backwards, but so is his talking?"

Sokka thinks about this for a second.

Yeah, that works.

Then Sokka is clobbered by a clump of rocks to the gut, which makes it hard to think about anything else.

----------------------------------------------------------

General Fong: Avatar own don't I.

Samtana: [sadly] I don't own it, either. Sir.

Aang: Will you guys stop disclaiming and save me from this earth sandwich?

Sokka: You're the Avatar. You'll be fine.

Katara: You know, looking at this Aang sandwich is making me hungry. Anyone want to break for lunch?

General Fong: Me to good sounds.

Sokka: I like that idea! Can you make some roast penguin?

General Fong: Kingdom Earth the in we're.

Sokka: What difference does that make?

Aang: Hello? Anyone feel like saving me here?

Katara: After lunch, maybe. If we have time.

Aang: Come on, Katara! Don't treat me like Sokka!

Sokka: Hey!

-samtana


	41. Some Random Dude's Confession

A word of warning: Beware of this confession. Its bite is louder than its bark. Wait, what?

Abe Lincoln: According to the Emancipation Proclamation, you are not allowed to own another human being.

Aang: Yes! In your face, Samtana!

Samtana: But you were never a slave.

Abe Lincoln: No matter. You still don't own Avatar, Samtana.

Aang: Should I do my "Can't touch this" victory dance, or my "I'm too sexy for my shirt" victory dance?

Samtana: Leave me alone… please…

**Some Random Dude's Confession**

And now, for… Some Random Dude's Confession!

-------------------------------

"I admit it!" screamed Some Random Dude, tears in his eyes and anguished hysteria in his voice. "I did it! I did it!"

"Did what? Wait!" called Aang, but Some Random Dude was already out of earshot, sprinting away in a wild frenzy of flailing arms, kicking up a cloud of dust in his desperate escape. "What was that about?" pondered Aang. "I wonder what he did that got him worked up so much."

--------------------------------

That was… Some Random Dude's Confession!

_Fine_

-----------------------------------

Aang: Wait, I still don't know what he did!

Sokka: Oh, he just slept with my sister.

Aang: What?!

Sokka: Relax. It was a joke.

Aang: Oh, good.

Sokka: I'm sure there was no sleeping involved.

Aang: WHAT?!

-----------------------------------

It would probably work better as a short screenplay. With a studio audience.

Sorry about, you know, being lewd again.

Why is everyone staring at me like that?

Abe Lincoln: How did that have anything to do with Avatar: The Last Airbender? How is this fan fiction at all?

Samtana: Shut up, dead president.

Abe Lincoln: Aw…

Sokka: Man, Samtana, you should be nicer to the guy! He's Abe Lincoln! It's a big deal to bring him here, with him being dead and all.

Abe Lincoln: Stop rubbing it in!

-samtana


	42. Than's Confession

At the bottom of this confession: a note of profound gratitude and advanced calculus for my wonderful reviewers!

Samtana: What's the meaning of life?

Douglas Adams: 42

Samtana: What number confession is this?

Douglas Adams: 42

Samtana: What's 7 x 6?

Douglas Adams: 42

Samtana: How many minutes ago was it that I started owning Avatar?

Douglas Adams: Forty t…nice try. You still don't own Avatar, Samtana. You never have and you never will.

Samtana: Arg! Flabber monger foodle proofa doofalick ack ackafurr liftamonk artipul!

Douglas Adams: Don't panic.

P.S. I also don't own the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ series.

**Than's Confession**

Hello. My name is Than. I'm Hope's father.

I know, I know. It's a strange name. Long story, something about a thin sliver of land, a sea serpent, and naming our daughter after something one feels of when being dealt cards in poker after he's bet his life's savings. Well, my name is Than, after all, and I've made it this far. So I guess it's okay.

But still, I wanted my daughter to have a more… manly name. You know, something she could take with her to Earth Rumble if she wanted. Something intimidating, something fierce, something vicious.

Something like Hope the Devastating.

Strikes fear into your heart, doesn't it?

Or maybe Hope the Ferocious.

Or Hope the Dragonslayer.

Or Hope the Blindingly Delicious.

Well, maybe not so much that last one. I'd got hundreds of names like these, so I didn't have to settle for a name that was only okay.

Ying didn't go for any of them. Sometimes I just don't understand that woman.

----------------------------------------------

Badgerfrog: She didn't like any of those suggestions?

Than: Not one. I couldn't believe it!

Badgerfrog: Me either. I was particularly fond of Hope the Ferocious.

Than: I like that one, too. But my favorite is Hope the Blindingly Delicious.

Badgerfrog: Is she really delicious?

Than: Hum. I don't really know.

Badgerfrog: Well, did you happen to bring her with you today?

Than: Sure. Here she is.

Hope: Let go of my, Dad! I'm supposed to be learning how to throw knives with Fire Lady Mai!

Badgerfrog: [Tongue zips out to Hope's cheek]

Hope: Agh! What in the world! Get this thing away from me!

Than: Well? How is she?

Badgerfrog: [licking lips contemplatively] Needs more wings.

Than: Ribbit.

--------------------------------------------

CONFESSIONS HAS MADE IT TO 200 REVIEWS! You guys are so great for sticking with me all this time. Now it's time for math: it took 27 confessions to reach 100 reviews, but only 15 to reach 200. That's a little more than half the time! So we'll make it to 300 reviews by the time we reach confession #52 or so. And by the time I reach my ultimate goal of 100 confessions… well!

-samtana


	43. Yon Rha's Confession

Sorry for those of you who tried to read this story earlier. Something goofed up. Everything from the colon onwards is what you were supposed to have seen:

Finally, at long last, Yon Rha's long awaited induction into the Confessions book! Oh, how I have labored hard day and night to find the perfect way for him to confess his sins, how I have spent sleepless nights delving into the inner workings of my mind to churn out what is, without a doubt, a confession best fitting for this minor but misunderstood character!

Yon Rha: [blinks]

Samtana: You owe me big for this.

Yon Rha: We'll see about that… after I kill your mother!

Sokka: Relax. It's an empty threat.

Katara: No. Really, it isn't.

Yon Rha: Or maybe instead I'll take Avatar away from you!

Samtana: Sorry. I don't own Avatar.

Yon Rha: I'll burn your life!

**Yon Rha's Confession**

"Confess!" hissed Katara, leaning over the man on the ground. Her monstrous shadow blanketed him from head to toe.

"No!" Yon Rha shot back, barring his teeth in defiance.

"Confess!" yelled Katara, bending a hoard of icicles into the air and suspending them inches from Yon Rha's wrinkled nose.

"Never!" shrieked Yon Rha.

It was starting to get tiresome, this vicious verbal back and forth. Zuko counted on his fingers. Yes, this was his fourth game of solitaire since the exchange had begun.

"Confess!" bellowed Katara.

"Kill me first!" Yon Rha retorted.

"Confess!"

Finally, Yon Rha's limit had been reached. Silence saturated the area, announcing with deafening clarity that Yon Rha had lost his resolve and was finally, at long last, giving in to Katara's demands. Zuko looked up from his deck of cards, apprehensive for the first time in nearly an hour. Yon Rha was going to confess. Finally.

"All right," he said, his voice hoarse from all the yelling. He ducked his head between his shoulders in dismay. "I'll confess. I did it." He looked back up at Katara's angry blue eyes and let a tear run down his cheek. "When I raided the Southern Water Tribe, after I killed your mother, I… I…" He paused for a moment to wipe his nose and hide his face from Katara's view, burying himself in shame. "I stole your blubbered seal jerky."

Katara stared dumbfoundedly at him.

"He what?" asked Zuko.

"I know I shouldn't have, and I was wrong to do it!" cried Yon Rha in genuine agony. "Stealing is such a horrible thing to do, I know, something only hooligans do. But, as soon as I finished brutally murdering your mother, I… I stole all your seal jerky. I stole armfuls of it, so much that I could barely walk. Oh, it was terrible! I was so weak back then! So weak!" Yon Rha collapsed into a series of uncontrollable sobs, sucking on his thumb as if it he had just whacked it with a hammer.

"You…" said Katara, letting the word hang in the air. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to this.

"I know you'll never forgive me," managed Yon Rha through the tears and hiccups. "I don't deserve to be forgiven after stealing so much seal jerky. Just know that I have never forgotten that day for a moment of the rest of my life. I am sorry in the truest sense."

"What about her mother?" Zuko called over. "Are you sorry you killed her mother?"

"Who?" said Yon Rha.

"So you're saying," started Katara in a low voice, "that stealing blubbered seal jerky is more unethical than killing defenseless women in cold blood?"

Yon Rha blinked a couple of times. "Is that strange?"

Zuko yawned as Katara stammered about her words. "Hey, blubber thief," he called over, "Do you feel like playing a game of speed with me?"

"Don't you believe it!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Well? Wasn't it awesome? Wasn't it worth all the broken promises, lonely nights, nightmares, wretched screams, math tests, tearing eyes, bleeding cold sores, aching hearts, cramped fingers, worn retinas, unsolved mysteries, unlived dreams, horrid amnesia, dying brain cells, smashed windows, aging relatives, pained shouts, and ravenous epiphanies?

Yon Rha: …no.

-samtana


	44. Ursa's Confession

Samtana: I hate needles I hate needles I hate needles I hate needles I hate needles…

Doctor: Shut up, you big baby. The vaccination is over.

Samtana: Oooo, can I have an Avatar Aang band-aid?

Doctor: Are you crazy? After getting your API shot?

Samtana: My what shot?

Doctor: Your Avatar Permanent Immunization shot. Your body now eternally cannot physically or mentally possess Avatar in any shape or form. In short, Samtana, you don't own Avatar. But you can have a Dora The Explorer band-aid if you want.

Samtana: Dammit!

**Ursa's Confession**

It was muggy, and everyone was sweating. It was also Azula's tenth birthday. Ursa was getting used to celebrate her daughter's yearly change of age in weather like this, though she would have to adjust to the adolescent arrogance that seemed to expand in tandem with each inch the girl grew.

Azula's thirteenth birthday was the day she decided, with royal assuredness, that she was going to audition a new hairstyle. She left her bangs to fall evenly along her forehead and weaved a long pair of braids left draping down the front of either shoulder. It was a strange combination for her, but she wore it proudly that day, the way she wore everything, assuredly insisting that everyone else would soon adopt her trend.

"Do you like the braids, mummy?" she asked while stroking her hair in front of a mirror, passive aggressive pressure in her voice. Sweat moistened the rim of her forehead, just barely visible below the bangs.

"Darling," said Ursa softly. "I think they're beautiful." She didn't mention until many years later how she had once hated braids, right up until the moment she saw her daughter wearing them.

-------------------------------------------------

This was a request from… just about everyone. I can't say I understand the obsession with her, but that's okay. She can still confess.

-samtana


	45. Momo's Confession

Sorry about the accidental hiatus, everyone. I hoped to have something other than this to send out by now (another "We'll Meet Again" chapter, perhaps?), but it was sadly not to be. It's just that time of year, I guess. October always seems to start slowly for me.

Snoopy: It was a dark and stormy night. Zuko was waiting in the rain to be struck by lightning like a complete idiot.

Zuko: Aw…

Snoopy: Soon the distraught Samtana joined him, also hoping he would be electrocuted because he didn't own Avatar, an affliction he carries with him to this day.

Samtana: Aw…

Toph: This is even more realistic than that play!

Samtana: What play? _Hamlet_?

Toph: …No.

**Momo's Confession**

"Did you come alone, Aurelius Maximus? Or should I call you Momo?"

The tree lit up with chitters. It sounded as if a wind had blown through the tree and caused all the leaves to shudder.

"Don't make fun of my mission, Garmedius," snapped Aurelius. Normally optimistic and lighthearted, he was unable to work up the energy to emanate joy.

"Of course, I apologize," bowed Garmedius, and the rest of the lemurs of the Council settled into an anticipated calm. "Do you have a report for us? How goes the fight against activity?"

Aurelius sighed, his magnificent ears drooping. "Not well," he breathed. "I must confess that my mission has run into considerable trouble. I have not yet been able to bring the others to love and respect me as much as that giant land mass."

"Agh, the Air-Propelled Prolific Aviator!" groaned Garmedius. "What did he do this time?"

"Can't you just call him 'APPA' for short?" said another lemur.

"He didn't do anything in particular," said Aurelius. "He was captured, sending the Avatar into an enraged fury. It is obvious his bond with the animal and its propensity for action is far greater than we expected."

Garmedius shook his head solemnly. "This is not good. This is not good at all."

"I even tried drinking cactus juice with the idiot Water Tribe warrior, the one who seems to agree with our vision most. I thought that perhaps if the others could see the joy in self-surrender they would understand the path of passive inaction. But that plan didn't seem to work so well," said Aurelius. "Actually, I don't really remember much about it, to be honest."

"Bah!" blurted out Barbonium, the oldest member of the Council of Lethargy. "We should just face the facts, lemurs: that giant abomination and his insistence on making things happen is going to win this battle!"

"Barbonium, please!" barked Garmedius.

"Your mission has been a failure since the start," Barbonium growled, pointing his crinkled wing at Aurelius. "The first thing you did, within minutes of meeting the group, was to trigger the Avatar State. Since then you have been forced to act as a decoy in Roku's palace, defeat a pirate's parrot, and, for some unexplained reason, capture a Fire Nation baby! Rather than trying to calm the turbulence in this world and ease us all into a blissful, peaceful relaxation as the Grand Charter mandates, you have instead been stirring things up! This is despicable!"

"That's enough!" shouted Garmedius, reasserting his authority. "You are in no position to question Aurelius's loyalty to the Grand Charter!" The old lemur did stop talking, but his suspicious glare kept Aurelius far from at ease.

"I do have a theory, however," said Aurelius cautiously. "Perhaps the only way to achieve peaceful lethargy, that perfect world where living things only slept and ate, would be to actively facilitate the end of this war."

"What do you mean?" asked Garmedius slowly.

Aurelius explained, "If the Avatar wins this war then balance will be restored, and so will peace and harmony, two of the Grand Charter's most important Pillars. However, if the Fire Nation were to win, then those Pillars would be nearly impossible to achieve. Therefore, I believe that the only way to fulfill the Council's Grand Charter would be to assist in the defeat of the Fire Nation."

"Are you serious?" asked a baffled Garmedius. "You want to involve yourself in a war?"

"Yes," said Aurelius meekly. "And, to prove my faith in this theory, I hereby forfeit the right to my Sacred Name until the conflict is resolved."

There was a short pause while the words sunk into the consciousnesses of the other lemurs. "You're crazy," snorted Barbonium, breaking the silence. "I can't believe we allowed a creature like you on this Council." He added a wicked grin at the end of his sentence. "But I'm going to look forward to calling you Momo."

The tree was filled with chitters again, and Momo already couldn't wait until the war was over.

---------------------------------------------------

Yes! A Momo confession that doesn't exist within a dream sequence! It's about time we saw a confession of a character who appears for more than 90 seconds of airtime, don't you think? Are there any other main characters I've conspicuously left out? Other than Roku and Appa, I mean?

Sokka: So the Council of Lethargy is all about making a world where everything is peaceful and creatures on the planet don't do anything but eat and sleep? It's a place where nothing happens at all?

Aurelius: Yes, that is the dream of our secret society.

Sokka: That sounds so awesome!

Aurelius: Doesn't it?

Sokka: Wait. In your perfect world can I make out with my girlfriend?

Aurelius: Huh? Well, I guess so…

Sokka: Score! What about eating meat?

Aurelius: You're pushing it, water boy.

Zuko: Hey, Samtana, feel like writing about me in your confessions anytime soon? It's been a while. I'm getting bored of living bound and gagged in your closet.

Samtana: Hm. Well, I can do another one about your big, giant heart. How's that?

Zuko: Actually this rope is pretty comfortable tied tightly around my entire body, and this closet isn't that dank and smelly after all. Hey, I even like the gag. Listen: Mmmmph! Mmmmmmmmmpppphhhh!

Samtana: Good boy.

-samtana


	46. Poppy's Confession

This Confession comes from an idea given to me by Aangsty Aangster, so thanks for the suggestion, AA. That said, you're probably noticing how this is not actually your suggestion. I was trying to make the confession for the character you suggested, but it went totally out of control. I wonder if anyone can guess by the end?

Koh: I don't have it either, but I took the face belonging to the woman of his dreams from a few life cycles ago.

Samtana: I don't even have that. I just have to face the facts: I don't own Avatar.

Koh: I like this idea of _facing_ the facts. Maybe if your fan fiction is good enough, you might be able to save _face_. Then people might accept you at _face _value.

Samtana: You're not funny.

Koh: Ugly face.

**Poppy's Confession, or: The Best Day of Lao's Life**

And then, out from the cloud of dust flew a muscular figure, yet another of the Earth Rumble contestants for Lao's daughter to dispose of.

"I just don't understand it," he said, his voice barely distinguishable amid the roars of battle, not to mention his violent biting of his nails. "How could she have all this power? Where does it come from?" After the miniscule Toph struck a few poses, the center of the ring groaned as it spun in place, causing the man swinging through the air to crash into his oversized companions. Without further ado Toph sent them all over the edge to impale the other defeated fighters lying bellow the ring. Clearing the dust with the swipe of a hand, only one opponent stood in the way of small, fragile Toph. She had somehow defeated the others all by herself. Lao couldn't understand it at all.

"No one in my family history was ever able to bend earth, let alone to do so with such power," he said to Poppy that night after they had returned home with their daughter, safe and meek as could be. He had recounted the battle scene as completely as he could remember for his wife moments before.

Poppy coughed "Um, darling? There's something I need to tell you." Her eyes were downcast, her voice cautious, so cautious that it was drowned out almost entirely by the steam coming out from the teacup in her hands, which Lao had never noticed as making a sound at all before. "Lao, Toph is not your daughter."

Lao's expression didn't change, but only because he was using all his energy to try to understand what he had just been told. "What? What do you mean?" he babbled.

Poppy gulped, still unwilling to meet her husband's eyes. "Toph's father is a famous earthbender with large muscles and a goatee. Not you," she said softly. "I'm sorry."

"But… but…" stammered Lao. This, along with his "daughter's" performance in front of his eyes, was too much for him to handle at one moment. It was easier to talk than to think and absorb. "When was this?" demanded Lao, the questions starting to stream out of his mouth without restrain as if a dam had been broken. "Why did you do this? Why did you betray me? Why did you betray our marriage?"

"Darling," said Poppy sweetly, turning to him for the first time, her smile blurry through Lao's watering eyes. "I only married you for the money. Didn't you know that?"

And, just when Lao thought things couldn't get any worse, Toph decided to run away with the Avatar and his friends, leaving him alone with a wife he refused to speak with.

And then he caught a ridiculous fever and was forced to stay in bed day and night.

And then he somehow got poison oak all over his face.

And then the authorities tracked his drug shipments from his house at the end of the week.

And then he lost two fingers in a prison hazing ritual.

And then he was forced to eat them.

And then he contracted a urinary infection from eating too much disgusting prison food, which was mostly for his tapeworm anyway.

And then, after the war was over, the national hero Toph visited him in his cell, and it felt like the best day of his life.

------------------------------------

Katara: Okay, Samtana, what's your problem?

Azula: Yeah, even I think that was a cruel.

Koh: Totally faceless of you.

Samtana: You can shut up about the faces now. But, come on. Did anyone else wonder where the Bei Fongs got all their money? Am I the only one thinking "drug loard?" And drug dealing will eventually catch up to you. Does this mean I have to make the series rated M now? Golly, I sure hope not.

Toph: Dad?!

The Boulder: Well! Even the Boulder thinks this is an awkward reunion.

Toph: I'm so happy! [hugs The Boulder] You're so much cooler than my real dad. You can earthbend, you have all 10 fingers, and you don't even smell like urine!

The Boulder: [sniffs, checks his fingers] That's because today is a good day for The Boulder.

-samtana


	47. Haru's Confession

Completely unintentionally, this turned out to be a pseudo-ripoff of Tang Si Ming-Yue's brilliant piece, "Sokka's Diary." Sorry, Tangy, but you know I think you're fantastic. And, as many of you know, I basically stole her style of disclaimer. So, in essence, I'm asking Tangy to marry me.

No, I'm not. Really, I'm not.

Sorry to disappoint.

Samtana: And there, class, you have the formula of love. Any questions? Yes, Renton?

Renton: Um, all you wrote was "Own Avatar."

Samtana: Yes. Owning Avatar is an incredibly sexy thing to do. Robin?

Robin: But how would this help solidify my relationship with Starfire?

Samtana: Believe me, owning Avatar makes you both irresistible and indispensable to your romantic partner. Write that down.

Renton: Have you ever owned Avatar, Samtana?

Samtana: Well, um, that depends on… hey, don't talk out of turn!

Robin: [standing] You don't own Avatar after all!

Renton: He's a fraud!

Beast Boy: Let's get him!

Samtana: Okay, okay! I don't own Avatar! But it's obvious that if I did, I'd be a babe magnet!

Iroh: A truer statement has never been spoken.

Samtana: What are you doing in this class?

"**Haru's Confession"**

Dear Diary,

I have been following Haru around for days, I am yet to find anything to use against him. He seems like a generally likable person. It drives me crazy. Crazy! Everything about him drives me crazy, right down to that rat's tail on his upper lip. He's pretending to be a big boy now, is that it? Well, Mr. old boy, I'm not giving up yet. I'll follow you until you do something unlikable, something I can use.

Dear Diary,

Today Haru, The Duke, and Teo went exploring in the temple. They've done this every day ever since we got here. Today they stumbled upon the all day echo chamber, and they had a lot of pointless fun with that. They tried to make a song together, which wasn't actually all that bad. As they were rolling on the ground in laughter, I started to think that maybe there was nothing despicable about Haru to find. Maybe he's simply 100% a flawless person. If only I could hear him confess something embarrassing, like some crush he had back in his Earth Kingdom village, or a fondness for devouring live puppies, or that he was afraid of the dark, or something like that. Then I could bring it to Katara and we'll see how her feelings about him change. And, boy will they change!

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to lose hope. Today Haru and the others spotted me following them, but instead of getting mad they asked me if I wanted to join them. They were playing some game with dice that's apparently the hip thing to do these days. What could I do but jump in? But then I realized that I had stumbled upon a golden opportunity: to initiate the embarrassing conversation!If I could worm something juicy out of Haru while pretending to be in his group, I would have just the evidence I would need!

Victory would surely be mine.

I asked if the others had ever liked a girl before, but they all said no. They're a pack of liars. I bet they just weren't telling me. (maybe I could use that against him? nah...) But then it was my turn and I had to confess the feelings I have for Katara, which got quite a negative, as in laughter-riddled, reaction. The Duke pointed out that Katara and the Avatar have a thing for each other, but I don't believe for a second she could fall for that child. Changing the subject, Teo asked how old each of us were when we stopped wetting the bed. Couldn't he have asked a different question? It turns out that I ended up confessing a lot more than anyone else in that stupid circle of friends, and I got nothing out of Haru. Nada. Zilch. The guy is clean as a newborn baby's head, or however that saying goes.

That's why I'm starting to lose hope.

After that the conversation got more interesting. We all got to talk about the coolest things we ever did. I, of course, talked about how I faked my own death to escape the Dai Lee in Ba Sing Se, which no one else could top, except maybe Teo who had a flying competition with the Avatar, and was nearly even despite not being able to use his legs. That's pretty cool. The Duke's coolest thing was painting the fingernails on an upper class courtesan. Honestly, I thought he had done more interesting things with me and the gang, but to each his own. I'm using that one against him in the future.

Haru said something about rescuing his father and the rest of his village from the Fire Nation. How noble. Grrr, I hate him.

There has to be something wrong with this guy. Something like a perverted physical attraction to platypus bears or a crippling illness that causes him to sweat profusely when in the presence of kiwi fruits. Whatever it is, I have to find it to win Katara back!

Dear Diary,

This.

Is.

Wonderful!

Okay, listen to this:

Are you listening? Because this is good.

Okay, me and the guys (by "guys" I mean The Duke, Teo, and Haru) were talking about fond childhood memories, and Haru said the perfect thing to tell Katara about. Once she hears this she'll know he's no good for her and come back to me! Yippee!

I didn't just say "Yippee," did I?

Haru told this story about a small creek that formed near his house during the rainy season that he would play in. He would find sticks and rocks from all over the forest and use them to build structures to block the water. Then, once the small stream was blocked off and making a puddle, he would knock the twig structure over to see the water burst back out. He would do it again and again until the sun came down, seeing how big he cpuld make a puddle.

Katara's going to hate this. I know (from personal experience) how much she hates people destroying dams. Yippee!

Dear Diary,

Well, that was embarrassing. Let me start from the beginning.

No, I'll start from the end.

I've been sent to a new hospital. Sexual harassment towards the other patients, they say. I didn't even know I was in a stupid hospital! But it explains why I've been getting fed for free each day without having to threaten with my hook swords. And the temple? A freaking orphanage complex. Why doesn't anyone ever tell me this sort of thing?

Now, for the beginning.

It turns out that those guys I was talking to weren't Haru, Teo, and The Duke. I just thought they were. I guess I just assumed it was them without asking. I mean, I was pretty sure that was The Duke. They don't make kids that small very often.

Anyway, I took "Haru's" secret to "Katara," a.k.a. the hot bipolar girl who bites anyone who comes close to her, as my fingertips found out. I wish the hospital had returned them before they threw me out. Anyway, there were some hook swords, a bunch of white shirts, and quite possibly a nipple, and now, well, here I am. New hospital. New straitjacket. And this dumb place won't even let me keep my hook swords.

But it's not all bad news. The other day I saw Sokka wandering the halls in a Fire Nation uniform, looking for his girlfriend. Maybe he can help me wiggle my slippery worm way back into Katara's heart, or however the saying goes.

Yippee!

---------------------------------------

Wow, that was fun to write. I've been focusing on endings lately. I hope this one threw a few people.

Remember: 50,000 words of novel in the month of November alone! That means tomorrow! Be there! Feel the action! Yeah…

Also remember this means I won't be fan fictioning so much in the immediate future/the immediate month. I hope you can all forgive me.

I need to disclaim a few more things: I don't own Teen Titans or Eureka 7. But it would be extremely sexy if I did.

-samtana


	48. Smellerbee's Confession

The following Confession is a suggestion by JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It. But first, the "My Dinner With Mai" disclaimer, dedicated to Loopy777.

Mai: …

Samtana: …

Mai: [takes a sip of tea]

Samtana: [looks out the window]

Mai: …

Samtana: [yawns]

Mai: [takes another sip of tea]

Samtana: So… you know I don't own Avatar, right?

Mai: Fascinating.

Samtana: …

Mai: [takes another sip of tea]

Samtana: …yeah…

Mai: …

Samtana: Does Zuko always take this long in the bathroom?

**Smellerbee's Confession**

"Hey, Jet, can I ask you something?"

"Not while I'm smiling at the mirror, Smellerbee! You know how important this is for me!"

"But this is serious! I'm starting to think the new guy is up to no good."

"Who, Combustion Man? What's he up to?"

"He's talking to Longshot."

"Longshot's talking?"

"Well, they're both kind of nodding and breathing at each other, but I think they can understand it."

"So they can speak the same language. That's great. So what's the problem that's so important that you have to interrupt my mirror smiling?"

"Okay, listen to what just happened. While I was sharpening my knives just now they started to do their weird talking thing, and the next thing I knew Longshot was hugging me!"

"Wow, really?"

"Yes! I think Combustion Man set him up to do it."

"And what's so bad about that? It wasn't everything you'd always hoped it to be?"

"Well, it's true, it was pretty amazing…"

"You're turning beet red."

"I am not!"

"So what's your problem with Combustion Man again? I don't really understand."

"Um, I'm not so sure. I guess I'm not used to getting something I want, so it made me suspicious."

"Well, don't be. He's a friend. And besides, if you stop talking then I can smile at the mirror some more."

"You've been smiling at the mirror ever since we started talking."

"Details, details."

Sitting cross-legged at the campfire, Combustion Man took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the flames growing as the smirk expanded on his face. Revenge would soon be his. Everything was going exactly as planned.

Back in his hut, Longshot tipped his hat towards the portrait of his mother. His quest to bring her back to life was nearly at an end, thanks to the dimwitted Semllerbee and Combustion Man unknowing playing into his perfect designs. Everything was going exactly as planned.

As Smellerbee walked off, she could barely keep herself from laughing out loud. No one suspected a thing! It was now only a matter of time before the Lord of Darkness, Zarboofah, returned to this pathetic world to impose a reign chaos and destruction, and Smellerbee would be recognized as his most faithful servant. Everything was going exactly as planned.

Jet, leaning close to the mirror, licked his finger and straightened out his right eyebrow. It stayed straight. Exactly as planned.

* * *

* * *

That ending was a lot like the ending for Poppy's Confession…

I wrote this note to all of you on October 30th:

As October draws to a close, we all must prepare for the inevitable. Weeks of planning, excitement, and pent up celebratory angst will come to a pinnacle so soon. That's right, everyone. I am referring to none other than the last day of October, the 31st, supremely special because of it being the last day I can guarantee I will be writing fan fiction. Because, as we are all aware, the next day is National Novel Writing Month! Which is dreadfully exciting for me.

Currently I am trying to get ahead with all my fan fiction work so I can have something to post each week of November as I have been doing this fall, but there will be no new work produced in the month of November. Instead I will work on my own writing, since that's the only thing I'll have time for. If anyone else is interested in participating in National Novel Writing Month, or Nanowrimo for short, just write 50,000 words in the month of November (that's about 1667 each day). It's a worthwhile experience, let me tell you, as someone who's done it for three years (but only succeeded twice).

Long and short of it: NO REQUESTS IN NOVEMBER, PLEASE!

Sorry to shout at you all.

-samtana

P.S. Everyone shout, "The Lord of Darkness, Zarboofah!" in the most evil voice you can manage and see how the people around you react. Do it now.


	49. The Haiku Girl's Confession

**The Haiku Girl's Confession**

She never stumbles.

Her father's crystal ice heart

Froze her feet to earth.

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Holy sh**, Sokka,

You're a f***ing hot devil.

Give it to me hard.

* * *

I don't own Avatar.

-samtana


	50. Ju Dee's Confession Tiny Toph

Can you believe it? 50 Confessions! You know what this means, don't you? I'm halfway through! That makes me very happy, very sad, and very stressed out at the same time. So much work left to do! If I write one Confession each week, I should reach 100 in nearly 2 years (23 months). That's insane. Why am I doing this to myself?

Some people better be really into this series, that's all I'll say. On an unrelated note: Thanks for all the support along the way! I could never have done it without you! If anyone else wants to do the 100 Confessions thing, I'll review every one. Just let me know you're doing it.

Katara: Say it.

Samtana: I will not give in, do you hear me?!

Aang: Everyone gives in eventually, Samtana.

Sokka: Yeah, you might as well just say it now.

Samtana: I'm not saying it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Toph: She found the sweet spot!

Katara: Piece of cake. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Samtana: Stop! HAHAHAHAHA! Stop tickling me! HAHAHAHAHA!

Sokka: Aw, listen to how happy he is!

Samtana: HAHAHAHA! Okay, Okay! HAHAHA! You win! I don't own AvataHAHAHar! Now stop!

Katara: What was that? I couldn't quite hear.

Samtana: I said stop! HAHAHAHA! I don't own Avatar!

Aang: Look! He's peeing his pants!

Samtana: WAHAHIwishIwasdeadWAHAHA!

**Ju Dee's Confession, or: Tiny Toph**

The sun blazing with exuberance over the Fire Nation palace, Toph and shared the spotlight with her friends and fellow saviors: the new Fire Lord, the Avatar, Katara and Sokka of the Water Tribe, and Suki of Kioshi island. Together they bowed, each in the style of his or her home nation, to a cheering crowd of joyous friends and gracious strangers. There were no speeches after Zuko's crowning, and none were needed. Everyone knew that the young warriors on stage were the true heroes of the end of the war.

Feeling a familiar set of footsteps in the courtyard, tense and hesitant in their approach, Toph burst off the elevated platform and ran to embrace her parents. Even in the short time of her absence Toph could feel wrinkles in her father's neck that she didn't remember from before, and it seemed as if he had lost some weight, his skin clinging more tightly than usual to his bones. Toph was overcome with a happiness she didn't expect at their presence.

"Aren't you happy, Dad?" she exclaimed. "We ended the war! We saved the world!"

Toph's father sighed wearily. "I love you so much, Toph," he said into her ear in a low tone. "Which is why I can't allow you to keep doing such dangerous things! Saving the world can get you hurt! You will come back home at once!"

Toph broke out of the hug. "But Dad!"

"I could never bear to lose you again," said Toph's father, taking her hand. "Let's go."

Of course Lao's efforts to keep his prodigal daughter locked away inside his mansion would prove ineffective, and at the first news of resistance to the Avatar's peace plan she knocked down the wall and ran away, again. Single-handedly she was able to publicly capture the three leading members of the Resistance Front, including the escaped Long Feng, made possible with the help of the Ju Dees once she had uncovered their deepest secret: "We never really worked for the Dai Li. We were always undercover trying to restore balance in the Earth Kingdom."

"I can't believe it," said Toph's father in awe when the triumphant hero returned once again. "I can't believe you would do something so brash! You could have gotten hurt!"

After escaping again, Toph found that a terrible illness was spreading across the planet, infecting people's eyes and causing them to slowly decay, spreading to the rest of the body and eventually resulting in death. It was a disease so deadly that not even the waterbenders could help dissipate it. Toph immersed herself in the study of medicines, both ancient and modern, convinced Wan Shi Tong to re-open his library, and saved the world a third time when she discovered a cure. She personally healed the Fire Lord, the Avatar, and her own father of the devastating illness, and then facilitated the distribution of antibiotics to everyone in the world in order to destroy the disease for good.

"Young lady," Lao scolded, "I will have no more of this disobedience from my fragile daughter!"

That's when the moon was thrown off orbit by a wayward comet and threatened to crash into the earth. As Katara was keeping tsunamis at bay and Aang was in the spirit realm helping Yue try to restore the moon's proper position in the sky, a crowd of anxious onlookers watched as Toph performed earthbending from the greatest distance ever witnessed, pushing the moon back to where it belonged.

"You are too weak to go off on your own like that!" cried her father, who tried to contain her in her room once again. That effort was obviously a waste, he realized as the twenty guards he set around the estate were all knocked unconscious, the walls to Toph's room filled with boulder-sized holes.

When Toph was, finally, of marriageable age for most nations, young men from all over the world came to Lao on hands and knees begging for his daughter's hand, but he never granted permission to a one. "My daughter is tiny," he said, even though Toph stood nearly as tall as he did at this point.

Then space aliens invaded, captured Aang and Zuko, and took control of all the nations, imposing a new social order where human beings were best suited either as servants or as soup spices. Despite their superior technology, Toph raided the mothership all by herself and defeated the aliens' best fighters in hand-to-hand combat, which she had started practicing to pass the time. She taught herself how to fly the ship, and bludgeoned the aliens to the point of a full retreat. From then on the world would always remember that day as Toph Bei Fong Day.

"This is for your own good," said Lao, locking the door to Toph's new room, completely constructed out of steel. He had no idea that she could bend metal.

Taking a spaceship salvaged from the alien attack, Toph became the world's first space explorer. Happening on planet earth, she landed in Jerusalem and facilitated peace talks between Israel and Palestine, resulting in a peace that would prove to be permanent. "It was so simple," said an Israeli military officer in tears. "My only wish is that she could stay on earth."

"Oh, my sweet, little Toph," sobbed Lao upon her return. "I was so worried! You must have been so scared!"

Aang shook his head as Toph finished her story. "He's never going to accept you for who you are," he said sadly. "Some people are just too stubborn."

Toph smiled at him. "Yeah, some people are. I keep going back to him, after all."

* * *

Nanowrimo is going really well. As in, I'm almost going twice as fast as expected. As in, I've already reached 60,000. As always, it's lots of fun. Give a shout-out on the review page if you're doing it, too.

I would also like to apologize for the last chapter in Confessions. I didn't include that last haiku until the last second. It wasn't supposed to be there. If you're outraged, I understand completely.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

-samtana


	51. Wan Shi Tong's Confession

Everyone, today is a happy day in Confessions history. 250 reviews, everyone! I mean, really, 250! I know I don't say this enough, but you guys rule. You're fantastic. Really.

Speaking of how fantastic you are, if you made a suggestion I haven't written yet, I probably forgot, lost in the 250 awesome reviews. If there's something you're aching for me to do, don't feel shy about reminding me, and then nagging me every time I don't cash in on your requests.

Toph: How'd you get 250 reviews? Do you even know that many people?

Sokka: He's probably just paying off the same homeless dude to review anonymous over and over again.

Samtana: Don't make fun of my reviewers!

Toph: Oh yeah? Or what?

Samtana: That does it! Reviewers! Get in here!

250 Reviewers: What's up, Samtana? OH MY HOLY ZUKO FLAVORED ICE CREAM! TOPH AND SOKKA! WE LOVES YOU!

Sokka: Girls! Please! One at a time!

Toph: You were saying, Samtana? Something about not owning Avatar?

Samtana: ...Zuko flavored ice cream...?

I don't own Avatar.

Déjà vu, anyone?

I don't own Avatar.

**Wan Shi Tong's Confession**

"I don't know what I did wrong," moaned the ancient spirit owl who thought he knew everything. "I opened a library so that the world could be filled with knowledge. I was trying to bring a great good into the world. But the only result was anguish as the humans stole the information for selfish reasons. Oh, I admit I was a fool to bring this library into this realm, but why do I feel so empty with it gone? What brings me to love this faulty human world? And why can't my efforts to improve it ever bear fruit?"

"Ribbit," said the badgerfrog.

The great owl sighed. "I know, I know, you're right." Wan Shi Tong patted the badgerfrog on the head with an affectionate wing. "You're a wise little creature, you know."

"Yes, I do know," said the badgerfrog. "In fact, you might do well to be more like me."

"Ribbit," said Wan Shi Tong.

"That's the spirit."

* * *

No pun intended with that last line. Really. This story asks the question: How much badgerfrog can you handle? He's quickly become one of my favorite characters to write about.

Zuko: Everyone's stealing my idea…

Badgerfrog: Hey! Don't flatter yourself, young man! I am the world famous Dr. Frog! People have been taking their problems to me a decade before you!

Zuko: Really? How old are you?

Badgerfrog: 2 years.

Zuko's Brain: Decade = 10 years. Badgerfrog = 2 years. So 2 years = 10 years?

Zuko: Wait, what?

Badgerfrog: Did I stutter?

Zuko: How did you get a doctorate in less than 2 years?

Badgerfrog: …It was an internet degree.

-samtana


	52. Appa's Confession

I just looked over a bunch of my old stories for old time's sake. Man, I was an ideologue back then! When was the last time I tried writing a story to justify Katara's "confusion" at the Ember Island play? Good times, good times. It did make me feel a little down about my story called "Echo Slowly" that I plan to release sometime in the future, which is against everything I stand for. Or stood for, that is. Perhaps once I'm done with my Nanowrimo novel I'll get back into writing high-minded Kataang, aimed at winning hearts and minds. Who's with me?

Samtana: I own Avatar.

Jason: No, Samtana, please. You don't own Avatar. Come on.

Samtana: Yeah? Well, _you _don't own Avatar! Doesn't feel so good, does it?

Jason: No. No, it doesn't.

Melissa: This isn't part of the script.

Brendon: And cut. Samtana, wow, nice, um, angle. But you know, it would be great for you to stick to the script.

Melissa: Yeah, you're leaving out words. Like, "Don't."

Brendon: You need to say, "I don't own Avatar or Home Movies."

Jason: And, "I'm a throw-up monster!"

Brendon: Jason, that's not in the script.

Jason: I know, but it should be.

**Appa's Confession**

"Hello everyone. My name is Appa, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hello, Appa," said everyone in a low drone, like they were answering an obvious question all at the same time.

"But the good news is that I've been dry for three weeks now," Appa continued. "It's the longest yet since I was frozen in that iceberg for a hundred years, which doesn't really count because I couldn't move."

Everyone clapped, slowly, softly, and deliberately. At least the instructor seemed to be showing enthusiasm, sitting straight and smiling wide. "We are all very proud of you, Appa, aren't we?" She turned to the rest of the group. Everyone mumbled.

"I was out of control for so long," said Appa. "I was so hammered I couldn't even fly straight most of the time. And I was always broke, since I had to buy a ton of booze to get myself drunk. I mean, literally, a ton of booze. I'm a big dude."

The instructor gave a good-natured, hearty laugh; the rest of the group snickered the way they would if they were talking about him behind his back.

Appa didn't notice the lack of energy in the room, lost in his world of recollections. "It was so embarrassing when I met Aang's friends. During the whole journey to defeat the Fire Lord I was so smashed I couldn't even say anything. I could only sort of growl, like this." He demonstrated. "I'll bet Sokka, Katara, and Toph don't even know I can talk.

"Even when I was captured by the Dai Li I couldn't stop drinking. Long Feng would come to my cell, hobbling, his hair out of place and Ju Dee-colored lipstick all over his cheeks, holding a bottle of whisky by the neck. We'd share it, and if he didn't give me more I'd growl at him, and he was usually too wasted to refuse." Appa closed his eyes in shame. "I was such a beast then."

"But now you're dry," encouraged the instructor, ever smiling, ever cheerful. "Can you tell us about how that happened?"

"Of course," said Appa. "Once Aang defeated the Fire Lord everyone seemed so happy, but I was still the same drunkard I always was. I wanted to make a difference in the world like Aang had, so I sobered up and helped rebuild buildings that had been ruined. It was such a wonderful feeling, to be useful, you know?"

"My, aren't you resourceful, Appa," laughed the instructor.

"Well, I am a ten-ton flying bison, after all."

With that the room erupted into a startled panic. People who had been slouching in their chairs bolted upright, some falling backwards from the sudden motion. They all stared at him as if for the first time, as if he was hideous. Even the instructor was shocked, pushing herself into the back of the seat, her feet pushing her away.

"Wow, he is a bison!" said one of the others with a mixture of awe and fright.

"I never noticed before!"

"That's why he had such a hard time fitting into the building!"

The instructor regained her composure and grabbed a broom from the closet, pointing the straw end into Appa's face. "No animals allowed at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! Now shoo! Shoo!"

Appa chomped off the straw end of the broom. "You're going to have to do better than that, bub," he chewed.

* * *

I guess they were all just too drunk to notice.

Soon, my dear reviewers, it will be time for winter vacation, and I will be able to donate a portion of my brain to working out the 5 zillion fan fiction projects whirring in my brain. Like another chapter of "We'll Meet Again" and another chapter for my "Bag of Chips." Then keep your eyes open for a Tokka about Toph showing affection as well as a Kataang about the all day echo chamber (again).

Someone: [yawns]

Samtana: I heard that, Mai!

Aang: No, sorry, that was me. [falls asleep sucking his thumb]

Mai: [already asleep]

Samtana: [pulls out face paints and evil grin as he descends on them] It's going to be a happy new year!

-samtana


	53. On Ji's Confession

Cop 1: This is your brain.

Cop 2: And this is your brain on Avatar.

Cop 1: We're just looking out for you, Samtana. We know you're a good kid. We just don't want you to go bad. We've seen it happen to good kids like you before.

Samtana: But I don't own Avatar!

Cops 1 and 2: [looking at each other] Denial.

Cop 2: It's the first sign you have a problem.

Cop 1: Look, Samtana, Avatar is addictive. Do you know what that kind of addiction can do to you?

Samtana: No, because I don't own Avatar!

Cop 2: [forehead in hand] My word.

Cop 1: Think about your family. Think about your wife and kids.

Samtana: Wife and kids? What in the world…?

Cop 2: [to Cop 1] He's already forgotten about his wife and kids.

Samtana: But I'm not…!

Cop 1: What about Godzilla? Huh? How do you think Godzilla's going to feel about this? [tearing up] Oh, my…

Cop 2: [hugging Cop 1, patting him on the back] There, there. Sh, now. [to Samtana] See what you did? Apologize to Cop 1!

Samtana: His name is really Cop 1?

On Ji: This is _my_ Confession? Oh, crap.

On Ji's Confession

Hide draped an arm around the rigid On Ji, grinning at her through one side of his mouth as if the other side were too tired. "Hey, Babe," he cooed. "Whadaya say we go kick some puppies together after school together?"

On Ji pushed herself away. "Hide, we need to talk," she said. She was not ashamed or self-aware. She looked him right in the eyes. "I know how much you love torturing creatures smaller and weaker than you, but I think we should see other people."

The half-smile faded as Hide lost the energy to keep any muscles of his face up anymore. "But… I thought you loved kicking puppies… do you want to dump water on sleeping babies instead? We can do that! I'm flexible!"

On Ji shook her head with conviction. "Hide, I met someone while I was on vacation in the Earth Kingdom with my family. Remember how I told you I can't resist big, muscular jocks?" Hide nodded, his lower lip quivering. "Well, I met the biggest, strongest jock with the biggest, strongest muscles in the whole world." She flicked his forehead. "You're obsolete. Go kick puppies on your own."

Meanwhile the crowd at Earth Rumble fidgeted anxiously in their seats, leaning forward or standing up to see over the heads in front of them. The Boulder was being led, in metal handcuffs, off the arena by an undercover cop.

"But she told the Boulder she was 18!" pleaded the Boulder.

"Yeah, that's what they all say," said the cop, sucking on a cigarette. He whipped out his walkie talkie. "Foamy, come in, Foamy. The perv is in custody. I repeat, the perv is in custody. Over."

A static but solid voice came through the other end: "Roger that, Cabbage Man. Foamy is moving in on the bogie. Over."

"Affirmative. Careful, Foamy. Bogie is known to be feisty. You might want to call in some Ju Dee backup. Over."

"Understood. Foamy out."

"Cabbage Man out."

With that the Foamy Mouth Guy kicked down Samtana's door, charging into the room where he sat hunched over at his computer, his wide eyes bloodshot from a lack of sunlight. He struggled against the undercover officer to type the last words of his story, but


	54. FOAMY MOUTH GUY'S CONFESSION

TO THE READERS OF "CONFESSIONS:"

FOUR DAYS AGO THE FBI HAS TAKEN THE LOCAL FAN FICTION WRITER, CODE-NAMED "SAMTANA," INTO POLICE CUSTODY. AFTER READING HIS STORIES WE HAVE DECIDED THAT HE IS CURRENTLY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND THEREFORE A MENACE TO ALL THAT IS SACRED IN THE WORLD OF AVATAR FANDOM.

THE POLICE WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THE FOLLOWING ITEMS OF CONFUSION:

1) SAMTANA'S NUMEROUS CRIMES ARE AS FOLLOWS: BURNING OFF KATARA'S FACE, FORCING SOKKA AND TOPH TO EAT APPA, MAKING IROH INTO A PERVERTED MANIAC, INSERTING HIMSELF INTO HIS FAN FICTION, BEING GENERALLY OUT OF HIS MIND AS EVIDENCED IN PIECES SUCH AS "JET'S CONFESSION," WRITING THAT PIECE OF COW FECES ENTITLED "THINK ABOUT NOW," FAILING TO ADHERE TO REQUESTS FROM READERS AFTER EXPLICITLY ASKING FOR REQUESTS, FAILING TO DEVOTE SUFFICIENT EFFORT TO THE KATAANG CAUSE, MAKING AANG RAP, AND, THE WORST COUNT OF ALL, WRITING A ZUTARA STORY.

2) THE STORIES YOU HAVE READ WITHIN "CONFESSIONS" AS WELL AS SAMTANA'S OTHER ONLINE STORIES ARE COMPLETELY WORKS OF FICTION. I ASSURE YOU, I AM NO BROTHER OF CODE NAME "THE CABBAGE MAN," AND I WOULD NEVER REACT SO HARSHLY OVER SOMETHING AS MINUSCULE AS A BALL OF STOLEN SILLY PUTTY.

3) NO MATTER WHAT HE INSISTS, SAMTANA DOES NOT OWN AVATAR AND, THANKS TO THE ONGOING EFFORTS OF THE FBI, NEVER WILL.

4) WHILE IT IS TRUE THAT I, THE FOAMY MOUTH GUY FROM KIOSHI ISLAND, AM INDEED A SECRET AGENT WORKING FOR THE INTERSTATE COMMERCE COMMISSION DIVISION OF THE FBI, THE REASONS FOR MY DECEPTION WERE JUST. I HAD TO CONVINCE SAMTANA I WAS NOT A THREAT, BEFORE ME AND MY FRIEND, CODE NAMED "THE CABBAGE MAN," COULD MOVE IN ON OUR SUSPECTS. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DECEPTION, BUT IT WAS NECESSARY IN THE NAME OF NATIONAL SECURITY. THIS DANGEROUS THREAT TO SOCIETY SIMPLY HAD TO BE QUARANTINED.

CONTRARY TO PUBLIC BELIEF, I CAN FORM ENGLISH WORDS JUST FINE, AND I HAVE BEEN CLEAN OF RABIES SINCE 1987 (UNLESS YOU COUNT THAT 1999 INCIDENT, WHICH DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE THAT WAS DARE AND IS OFF THE RECORD).

AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE, THE TEMPORARY RELOCATION OF SAMTANA TO AN UNDISCLOSED AREA WILL CREATE SOME SIGNIFICANT CHANGES IN THE PRODUCTION OF "CONFESSIONS." SAMTANA WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO A KEYBOARD UNTIL HE IS PROPERLY MEDICATED AND DEMONSTRATES AN ABILITY TO ADHERE TO THE RESPECTABLE LAW AND ORDER OF SOCIETY. WHEN WE RELEASE HIM INTO THE WILD HE WILL ONCE AGAIN BE A RESPECTABLE FAN FICTION WRITER, DEVOTING TIME AND EFFORT INTO MAKING THE LITERATURE ON THE SITE HIGHER QUALITY AND BOOSTING SUPPORT FOR KATAANG AMONG AVATAR FANS.

WHILE IN OUR CUSTODY SAMTANA WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE RESPONSES TO HIS REVIEWS AS THEY MAY BE CORRUPTING OF THE REVIEWER'S SOUL. HE WILL RESPOND QUICKLY ONCE HIS RECOVERY IS COMPLETE. IN ADDITION ALL SAMTANA'S STORIES WILL BE ON FREEZE AND ANALYZED BY OUR STAFF SO WE CAN CLEAN UP THE HARMFUL TEXT. HOPEFULLY IN A FEW DAYS AT MOST, EVERYTHING ABOUT SAMTANA WILL BE WHOLESOME, SOMETHING YOU CAN SHARE WITH THE FAMILY.

I AM SURE YOU WILL AGREE THAT THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE OF THIS.

ONCE AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION.


	55. The Earth King's Confession

I escaped. And I uncovered a shocking secret.

…

Still don't own Avatar, though.

**The Earth King's Confession**

It turns out that all the agents in the FBI are closet Zutarians with bad grammar (as evidenced by "Foamy's" notice last chapter, which I have taken the liberty of correcting) willing to do anything in order to eliminate the logic and right-ness of Kataang. While I was captured they forced me to watch hours and hours of slideshows of fan art depicting Katara, bound and gagged, kissing Zuko square on the lips. I was forced to repeat the phrase "Zuko and Katara are hot together" hundreds of times, and if I didn't I'd have to re-watch the scene of the Ember Island Players when Katara said she was confused or the scene where Zuko jumps in front of the lightning bolt to save Katara's life in the finale.

I bolted the first chance I got.

Luckily they were too busy fantasizing about Zuko capturing Katara and then making out with her to vent his sexual frustrations, probably by forcing himself upon her, to notice my escape until it was too late.

Since I'm now living in exile I've decided to make a disguise for myself. I grew a beard, but everyone grows a beard as a disguise (Sokka would agree) so I grew mine on my elbow. Now my elbow is muy macho. I also changed my shirt. First time in 427 days (Happy 2010!), and it was starting to stink like a donkey sweating in the sun. I didn't own any other shirts, so I borrowed one from my sister, who's much smaller than I am. Needless to say the shirt shows off more than I'm comfortable with, but it's a sacrifice I have no choice but to make.

Keep that in mind when you see me, ladies.

Then, in my new disguise, I hopped a plane to Ba Sing Se where I begged on my hands and knees for the Earth King's asylum offering my services. After much consideration he accepted my offer and allowed my to remain under his protection as long as I acted Bosco's guardian. Ever since Mai left the palace had started getting stinky from all the poop. As it turns out, the Earth King doesn't really know how to take care of bear. I don't either, but I said I did, so he took me in. I'm writing this in my servant-sized bed at midnight after a solid half day of bathing Bosco in soapy water. All those germs… I really wish I had a bigger shirt.

So, faithful readers who deserve way more praise than the English language has to offer, fear not! Samtana's fan fiction will not be altered by the Zutarians in charge of the FBI! Kataang will prevail! And don't worry, I will respond to your reviews that I neglected while in prison.

Now I'm off to bed before another bright day filled with cleaning bear poop. Viva la revolución!

_Fine._

* * *

Aang: Welcome back, Samtana!

Sokka: Yeah, Avatar wasn't the same without you!

Samtana: Aw, shucks fellahs!

Toph: So, have you thought about writing a Tokka yet? Huh? How 'bout it?

Samtana: I'm working on it! I promise! But bear poop is a full-time job!

Katara: Well, we're glad to have you back.

Samtana: [wipes away a tear] Thanks guys… I couldn't do it without you. [bawls]

Ozai: [puts an arm around him] There, there, my precious darling. Hush now. Everything will be alright.

Samtana: [looks at him] What's going on?

Zuko: Things changed while you were gone.

Samtana: They have? Like what?

Iroh: LOOK AT ME I'M A MUMMY WITH A BRAIN TUMOR ON MY FOOT HAHAHA EAT MY CHEESE WIZ!

Samtana: Looks like we have a lot of work to do.

-samtana


	56. Chong's Confession

Sokka: [pounding gavel] May the catch-phrase council meeting commence!

Cyborg: Booyah!

Mikami: Delete!

Renton: Delete?

Mikami: Well, that's my catchphrase.

Naruto: Believe it: that's totally lame!

Raven: You should say something like "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." That's cool.

Aang: We're missing the obvious answer: "Yip yip!"

Governor of California: I'll be back!

Toph: That's lame, too.

Governor of California: No, seriously, I'll be back. I have to go to the bathroom.

Katara: How about "Samtana doesn't own Avatar?"

Light: That does sound threatening.

Eureka: But don't you have to include Teen Titans, Eureka 7, Naruto, and Death Note?

Sokka: Good point. So now our new catch phrase is, "Samtana doesn't own Avatar, Teen Titans, Eureka 7, Naruto, or Death Note." Huzzah!

Mikami: …I still like "Delete…"

**Chong's Confession**

"So do you take requests?" chirped Aang, adjusting his flowery laurel. "There are some songs I haven't heard in a hundred years that…"

"No way, man," interrupted Chong with a swipe of his hand. "I don't know how to play this instrument!"

"You don't?" said Aang in puzzlement. "But I just saw you…"

"I never had a teacher," he explained, leaning back and pointing his toes to the sky. "I was self-taught, little arrowhead."

Katara smiled at him. "You're pretty good for someone who never had any lessons."

"Yeah," added Aang. "In fact, I know an amazing music school in Omashu where you could learn to master…"

"No!" Chong leapt angrily to his feet and showed Aang his back. "You don't get it, man! You just don't get it!" Lily stood up from braiding Katara's hair to rub Chong's shoulders, which Aang could see were trembling as if in a bitter cold.

"I'm sorry," Aang fumbled. "I didn't mean…" his voice trailed off.

"It's okay, little arrowhead," said Chong sadly. He turned to face Aang again, his eyes red with water, and wiped the length of his forearm under his nose. "You didn't know, so it's not your fault, man."

"Know what?" said Aang.

Chong sighed, long and drawn out, and looked at his toes. "The truth is," he began at the end of his sigh, then took another breath in, "that once I did have a music teacher. When I was about your age, if I remember. My folks felt I might have some talent because my father was a pretty famous musician in the Earth Kingdom. My life was all planned out, man, before I had a say in it. I was going to be a musician, just like my father. He had showed me how to play a few things here and there, and how to sing. Then they decided it was time for me to have a real master, and they sent me to Pok.

"Pok was a mean dude, I'll tell you. I could never work hard enough to please him. I saw him each week having practiced many hours each day, so many hours each day that my fingers would bleed from pressing the strings too hard. He never acknowledged that I was working my keester off. He shouted at me for being lazy and weak, and then my parents yelled at me for wanting to quit. They had my whole life planned out for me, little arrowhead. I was going to be a famous musician like my father, and that was that. They tried to make me conform. But I didn't want to play music like Pok, so I ran away and became a nomad. Now I play whatever nature wants me to." He plucked a string with a twang and smiled.

"I'm sorry," said Katara sweetly. "That's a sad story. But I'm sure if you had a teacher like Master Pakku your story would have been different."

"Yeah," said Aang. "He was just one bad teacher. Maybe what you need is a good teacher."

"Little arrowhead, I found the best teacher of all," said Chong, raising his arms up. "Nature. Maybe you can learn a thing or two from nature as well, man."

At that moment a panther vulture swooped down and gobbled Chong up in its beak, taking the screaming minstrel back to her nest where he would be divided up into equal chunks for her offspring.

"I've learned something already," said Sokka. "Now lets head to Omashu before we learn anything else."

_Fine_.

* * *

The Cave of Two Lovers episode bothers me to no end. Result for Confessions: Chong gets eaten. The world can thank me by letting me own Avatar.

No?

Offer still stands.

Still no?

Well, I'm here cleaning up bear poop all day. Let me know if you change your mind.

-samtana


	57. Hawky's Confession

Guys.

300 reviews. I mean, 300! Three hundred! CCC! 10010110! Ventitre!

No matter how I write it, it spells "You guys are all awesome, super cool, drop dead sexy, unbelievably brilliant Nobel Prize winners, delicious like a strawberry, and all around perfect in every way I can use letters to describe." Or maybe it just spells "300." But damn, that's a lot! Thanks so much, all you drop dead sexy reviewers!

Katara: But… I thought I was the drop dead sexy one!

Everyone: Ooh, 300 reviewers, your arms are so strong! Can I feel them?

Katara: [teary-eyed] I feel so much like Azula! Wah!

Zuko: Can I get you a fruit tart, randmlvr1?

Aang: How about a foot massage, Katsamura?

Sokka: I made a sand sculpture of Jesus-Freak-and-proud-of-it!

Teo: Hah! Mine's better!

Sokka: It just looks like you rolled your wheels around randomly in the sand.

Teo: Don't patronize me!

Jet: I'm going to take KK Kataang to my tree house.

Hide: Speechwriter. Is. My. Girlfriend. Got it?

Haru: You gave me confidence, Sarcastic Ninja. Now let me return some for you… [leans in]

Iroh: Samtana, you if you left a single one of your faithful reviewers out, they will mangle you and use your teeth as beads for a necklace.

Samtana: Well, there's 300 of them. I can't get all of them in the time we have.

Iroh: Good point.

Samtana: Besides, they all know they can write to me and request I use them in the next disclaimer if I either left them out or gave them a character they didn't want. Or messed up their gender. I'm not entirely sure on some of them (heh!).

Iroh: You seem on top of things. [yawns] Well, I'm off to go stalk Opaul, Kataang412, and AnnieSomtimes. Wanna come?

Samtana: Nah. I probably should write this story.

Iroh: Why? You don't even own Avatar!

Samtana: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

**Hawky's Confession**

Oh, crap. There she is. There's the one who broke my heart.

We haven't seen each other since the day of the big scam. I thought she had forgotten about me after that. But how could she forget? Not after everything I did for her. Maybe she tried to bury her memories of me deep inside the crevasse of her mind.

My goodness, I think I might cry. I can't look. Okay, maybe I can look just a little. She's just so beautiful.

I asked my friends where she was when I came back. I don't think they had the heart to tell me.

How did she not realize how much I loved her? I would have gone to the ends of the earth for her. I did, in fact. I flew all the way from the outskirts of the Fire Nation to the heart of the Earth Kingdom to deliver a message to her parents. Did she think I wanted to make that trip? That I had always wanted to see the Earth Kingdom, alone? How I blatantly refused to take that Water Tribe brute's message to the South Pole but bore her burden without complaint? But when I returned, desperately eager to find her waiting, she was, she was…

Okay, deep breaths. Like in anger management class.

After she disappeared I took up drinking and got into a few fights that landed me in anger management. Not pleasant for someone of my… body type. But now I'm back on the streets, clean, and ready to start fresh again. And then _she_ has to show up out of nowhere and bring all these memories flooding back like a tornado, or something.

I'm going to sit here and watch her walk by. Then I can get back to my life.

Wait, what's that she's holding? Is that a…

…a badgerfrog?

Dr. Frog?!

Okay, that does it! I am SO going to eat him for lunch right now!

* * *

My irrational literary love affair with the badgerfrog continues.

300 Reviewers: Who of us do you choose?! [glaring with 600 eyes]

Badgerfrog: [timidly] I can't choose just one of you. That would be blatant favoritism.

Samtana: That's right! Whoever would get the badgerfrog would be so clearly my favorite that it would alienate the other reviewers, and I love you all equally!

300 Reviewers: Shut up, you! I don't give three boomerangs if you love us or not! I want to know about the badgerfrog!

Badgerfrog: I'm still in love with Toph…

Toph: I am not Toph! I am Melon Lord! [laughs maniacally]

Badgerfrog: But… but… but…

Melon Lord: We'll always have Paris.

-samtana

"This! Is! Sparta!"

"Different kind of 300… Sorry…"


	58. Bosco's Confession

**Bosco's Confession**

I know I'm on hiatus for the moment, but I'm making a special exception for Bosco's Confession, upon his request.

For the past few weeks I've been hard at work cleaning up the bear stables, improving his diet, taking him out for walks, teaching him some tricks for high society (such as how to use a fork and knife), and occasionally reading to him while scratching behind his ears. After spending so much time together Bosco has really warmed to me, and one day he came to me with load on his conscious. For the longest time, ever since Long Feng betrayed him and the Earth King, Bosco felt somewhat responsible for what happened in the Earth Kingdom. He asked me to listen to what happened so that he didn't have to keep it bottled up anymore.

Long Feng rose quickly through the ranks of Ba Sing Se hierarchy. Not many people knew who he was when he was newly christened as a Dai Li agent, edging out an elite nobleman earthbender named Pong who was expected to take to role. Long Feng's eyes were on the prize, it seemed, and he performed excellently as a Dai Li agent against Fire Nation incursions. He charmed all the Earth King's senior advisors with his efficient successes, even though his inexperience had yet to meet a serious test. When the Cultural Minister and Head of the Dai Li died suddenly – under suspicious circumstances, it might be retrospectively added – an internal squabble took hold of the Dai Li. At least five men possessed abundant qualifications for the position, including Long Feng. As the Earth King was considering his options, Bosco caved for Long Feng's exciting youth, and, by crawling up to him and licking his face, endorsed him as his choice for the next Cultural Minister. It was all the convincing the Earth King needed.

Bosco's decision had immediate repercussions as Long Feng began his covert takeover of Ba Sing Se. As Long Feng had wasted no time demonstrating his personal abilities upon admittance into the Dai Li, he worked equally as fast to begin his "Lake Laogi" project and started to systematically eliminate knowledge of the war within the city. Ironically, the battles where Long Feng first achieved recognition were completely erased from Ba Sing Se history, and the Earth King's successor wasn't even aware a war existed beyond the walls. And the rest of the story, Bosco told me, is well known. Long Feng would be forever remembered as one of Ba Sing Se's worst tyrants, and it was all Bosco's fault for offering his endorsement.

I tried to sympathize with him ("Everyone makes mistakes"), but he blamed himself as if he had committed Long Feng's atrocities himself. He asked that, despite my hiatus, I could post his confession so that the Earth King's name could be cleared and blame could be placed squarely where he believed it to belong: his own. So, in accordance with his wishes, I returned once more to the keyboard and neglected cleaning bear poop for twenty minutes. Bosco asks that you share his story with your friends so that the Earth King would be finally cleared of the ignorance associated with him.

* * *

Bosco also says to clarify that Samtana doesn't own Avatar.

According to Wikipedia, the Earth King's name is Kuei, and he's the 52nd Earth King. Um, where is that in the show? Or is it in the special features, or some online forum? Man!

-samtana


	59. General Fong's Friend's Confession

"Aang, wake up, you sexy master of all four elements, you."

"Zzzz… Huh? Katara?"

"Yes, handsome. Wake up, I want to tell you something."

"How early is it? Why are you talking that way?"

"Because, darling, I'm not confused anymore. Aangie, I want you."

"You do? Really?"

"I want you so bad, Aang, honey pie! I want to own you! I want to own everything about you! Intellectual property rights, merchandise rights, broadcasting rights… oh, Aang, I want it all! Tell me I can own you! Say it to me!"

"Yes, you can… wait a second! Samtana, is that you?"

"Um… – ahem! – Of course not! What would make you think that?"

"I see you behind that tree with the voice disguiser!"

"Aang, darling, you must be…"

"Shut up, Samtana! You're never going to own Avatar, do you hear me? You don't own it now and you never will!"

"Aw, poop."

**General Fong's Aide's Confession, Or: The Lucky Ones**

"May I show you something?" asked General Fong, walking Aang over to the window. A small but prominent building stood outside at a distance, a group of people gathered outside. Upon a closer look, Aang could see that they were mostly bandaged soldiers, the ones who could walk supporting themselves with crutches, the ones who couldn't carried on stretchers by weary workers. "That's the infirmary," said General Fong gravely. "And those soldiers are the lucky ones."

"What do you mean?" said Aang, arching his eyebrows. "They don't look very lucky to me."

"They came back," said General Fong.

Aang shook his head. "Nope, I'm still not following you. As opposed to what?"

"As opposed to _not_ coming back!" said the flustered general.

"You mean like moving away?" said Aang, still puzzled. "Then how…"

"I mean like dying!" shouted General Fong, turning away from the window with frustration to stomp back to his war desk.

Aang took another look out the window, his eyes focusing on a soldier with his arm in a sling, a bandaged stump where his arm used to be. Almost as an afterthought he said, "What a horrible way to be lucky."

"If it makes you feel any better," General Fong's aide whispered into his ear, "I didn't get it either."

_Fine_

This is what General Fong says in the show: "Those soldiers are the lucky ones. They came back." Fong wins the redundancy award of the day.

Aang: They'd be luckier if they never went to war in the first place, don't you agree?

General Fong: Of course, Mr. Avatar. If you hadn't disappeared a hundred years ago these men would certainly have been luckier.

Sokka: Ouch. Hit him where it hurts, why don't you?

Toph: With pleasure!

Aang: Ow!

Sokka: But you're not in the show this early in the series.

Toph: I know. That's why I didn't hit him where it hurts the most. Which is here.

Aang: OW!

Sokka: Okay, that hurt just to look at.

Aang: …I need a trip to the infirmary…

General Fong: Lucky dog.


End file.
